All the way to McD ending up with Tropic Thunder.

Around 8 pm, I don't know where did I get the adrenaline rush? I was all up for McD although I had it yesterday.

Well, I just want to go out and use up the coupons as today is the last day. Apart from that, I feel like getting DVDs, thus, my brothers and I went to go and get some DVDs. Well, we had the SAWs collection, Ben Stiller collections and some random collections. I wanted the collection that comes with Burn after Reading, who knew the boss said,'Don't have. sudah habis ady.' I also found 'About a Boy' and '4 weddings and a funeral' but it doesn't worth (well, the money minded me had unleashed). I found many old movies that I wanted to watch including 'Rosemary's baby', 'Wedding Date' and so on...
Too bad, I didn't know why I refuse take them.

After getting DVDs, we headed to McD in Ayer Keroh with drive thru. It rained, my bros and I were in the car singing songs from the radio. Then, we reached McD... I feel like getting a chocolate sundae ever since SL had it yesterday. So, I got myself an ice- cream..somehow, it melted outside and had to put it back in the freezer. Wee... I went all the way there just to get myself a sundae. haha...

So, after my family finishing McD, Genius Lim and Cutie Lim headed to the DVD player and turned on Tropic Thunder. Wee...
Great movie, out of my expectations as it's a movie in a movie. That Robert Downey Jr. is good. He acted so well that my brother thought he is a negro.
Anyways, hilarious movie and many spoofs and somewhat I failed to do my tutorials. Distractions... why lar..haha

Just found out that, ticketing is available for FIFA 2010. I can't wait to get into the fever and mania. Yet, I'm just a student with a moth flying out from my pocket and wallet. Does anyone know when is the exact date?

Doodling does help in memory

Good news (for those who have poor memories)...

The research stated that doodling can help memory. That sounds right for me. Hmmm...
I'm not sure anyone of you does doodle but I do doodle. However, I had stopped the habit of doodling after knowing that I might not paying attention. Thank goodness, Susu came on time... that's what I need.

So, the research here says:

"If someone is doing a boring task, like listening to a dull telephone conversation, they may start to daydream," study researcher Professor Jackie Andrade, of the School of Psychology at the University of Plymouth, said in a news release issued by the journal's publisher. "Daydreaming distracts them from the task, resulting in poorer performance. A simple task, like doodling, may be sufficient to stop daydreaming without affecting performance on the main task."

Haha... it reflected as I always swim to lala land. Thank you to Susu for showing me the article and thanks to the Professor Andrade for proving it. Now, I can scribble my papers!!! Wee...

Scribbling does help in memory.

I have attached a link above.
Read it before you accuse me.

Tag by Nazura

Rules : Use Google Image to search the answers to the questions below. Then you must choose a picture in the first page of the results, and post it as your answer.

P/s: have fun!

1. I am

INVISIBLE....

2. I really want to go to
Bed...insufficient sleep


3. My favorite place
Wee...


4. My favorite things

Shooting stars and definitely..photography


5. My favorite drinks
Haha


6. My favorite foods
Zombie's food


7. My favorite colors
Wee...


8. I was born in
I don't know where... some say is heaven and some say is hell

9. I live in
The world lar...takkan I'm an alien

10. My school
This school

11. My favorite story
Yes...

12. My hobby
Wow...

13. I wish I am
Her... innocently

I'm tagging:

Susu
Cherylyn
Irene
Jonathan
Aik Chong
Jolene
Hui Qwan
Joyce
Kimirockz

It's Pon & Zi- Reasons to love you (originally from Meiko)

Summarizing my obstacles that I almost going thru for the past few days. But, the ending is not exactly what I had. My ending did not have any loves around just like the video. It's what I'm experiencing.

It's Pon & Zi- Reasons to love you (originally from Meiko)

Enjoy

Drums in Time Warp

I love drums and I've found a video about drums. It is indeed superb and wonderful. I've never seen things like this before neither you all.
Extremely fantastic.
Details that we will never see with our bare eyes.
Few days ago, I watched this Time Warp in Discovery Channel. I was lucky to see them warping drums and few minutes ago, I found the video.
Thank goodness, this video does not request for disabling the embed code.
Enjoy people.
It's all about drums people.

Broken

Annoyance and irritation had brought impact towards people around me. I'm so guilty and bad about it. That's why. Some part of my brains had died and I went hay wired. Stupid things to do. I'm really sorry and ashamed with myself.
Right.. that is the past.

Anyways, my belongings recently are mostly broken. Well, what do I mean by broken is:

1) my G 900's (since it's a touch screen) plastic pencil (I don't know what is call) broken. I was too strong and accidentally broke it. Why am I so clumsy?

2) my G 900's beaded blue crystals (the phone's extra decor and was my birthday present from LingLi), the string broke. How come it snap ar?

3) that new pendrive is also infected by viruses (again)... how the hell those viruses enter the pendrive? I wasn't using the old PC.

It was my bad for not taking great care and I whine just to show my sentimental.

3 doors down- it's not my time

Very good song from the 3 Doors Down- It's not my time. It significant so many things that is revolving around me. 'BAM'.

The video clip is cool, too bad they had disabled the embedding. Copyrighted ma... that is why.
Must watch as you must see how the lead vocal swing the wire. COOL.

That guy in the video is fantastic. Climbing and running from one building to another. What's that ar?

We are the con ladies.

Just came back from campus and all 'royals' meeting.
Well, I went to campus for editing certain proposals, I was all ready to go to Seri Negeri to meet the potential ones. Who knew the cover letter was a disaster and now, I have to redo in Bahasa Melayu. Right...my Bahasa Melayu had deteriorate for 3 years. Making me to recall it back is another suiciding for my brain cells.

So, the best part of the day is going to McD with SL, KL (director) and Jerry (the external). Seriously, I didn't know I was categorized under external. Back to McD, we had our teatime there. Actually, it was me that I wanted to go there so much just to vent my dissapointment. The whole time eating in McD was full of cons and lies. I had so much fun telling Jerry that I'm a princess and I came from the royals... thanks to SL. haha...

He didn't believe at all and we stopped. We skipped to SL's admirers and it was also another tremendous laughter. Well, another laughters.

It was all Jerry's fault for pointing me that I came from Sabah and yes, it is somewhere near to Brunei and I've stayed there for almost 8 years. Yet, I'm still the 'royal'. So, that's a revenge.

My pocket money is somewhat RM 10 000 per week to be deposit in the foreign currency account. The real amount is RM 2000 per week.

I've been kidnapped for countless of times and Daniel Wu had saved me before from one of my kidnap. I had 7-8 passports which had been fully stamped due to kidnap.

My relatives a.k.a. Sultan Haji Hassanah Bolkiah made me drive Rolls Royce but I refuse... konon la independent.

After graduating, my relatives a.k.a. the Sultan had prepared a job for me.

and so on...

It's so sweet of Jerry allowing me to choose my preferable package of kidnap. So, I requested for a Holiday Inn as the hideout. My meals have to include expensive foods. Haha...

I had so much of laugh together with SL.

Have to thank her for exposing my 'real identity' and conning Jerry.
haha.

If only my days can be filled with so much of laughters...

Back to reality and work.

Karma that went wrong.

Last night was a disaster filled with frustration and devastation. I stayed strong to overcome those obstacles and I managed to overcome the half of it.
It all began when I was installing the new modem for one of the desktop and it happened to be so confusing and I've repeated my stupidity again. The egoism of mine told me not to seek for help and I listened. In the end, I came up with major problems.
After got some help, voila, it's connected. However, it doesn't seems to be perfect as it seems. My MSN and hotmail couldn't be access and what's more of my uni's website.
I was too tired to fix it again and stop messing with it. I continued to browse websites for my researches.
I tried to get some people to cheer me up but somehow, I failed.

I skipped my dinner last night as I've no appetite.

During the day time, things doesn't seems to be plan as what I've thought.

Pendrive was contaminated with virus (worm) that duplicates those files in there.

I didn't manage to say my thoughts.

I think I've offended people.

Some people pop up and say I curse and swear too much. I've no comment on this as I've already posted up my opinions for that.

I went hay wired last night which leads me to annoy people that I cherished. I was stress out last night, all my fear and annoyance in me had dominated my calmness. I, seriously, was in the deep of unconscious that I affected the people around me. I took an extra hour to wink at the ceilings with my blanket till I drop dead to lala land. After 8 hours plus of sleep, I refuse to wake up, I want to swim back to my unconsciousness for a while... wait, I told myself to face the reality and solve them with all my powers that I have. 'SIGH'. Hence, I move my ass out from the bed forcefully and deal with my dailies and 'ta- da' back to the mortals.

Just now, HY advises me some issues where I shouldn't act harshly. Give some time.

I stayed strong. It was a success. I almost broke down due to the continuation of the karma that happened on Wednesday. Lucky thing, I got Susu to accompany me to stay strong for better or worse. At least, this milklady had surprised me with a bottle of warm milk everyday to accompany me to finish the milk.

Currently, I'll have to be myself and enough of impressing. I need to stop my stupidity.

Plan for 8 surprises... how better can it gets??

Today's day is full of surprises. Like I've quoted before, plan for surprises. Yes...plan for surprises.

Incident 1:
This morning, the clock shows 8.35 am. I was a little bit late and I was just about to start the car's engine. Just when I was about to drive, the car's tire is flat... almost. So, went to Caltex by the time 8.40 am. Fuel almost empty, pump petrol then. Time already shown 8.45 am. Fix the tires...8.50 am. Reached campus, 9.10 am. I was late to class and I missed the first answer for my tutorial questions. I felt so alienated. Well, the main problem was the car's tires, it was a sudden thing to happen. Perhaps, it's my bad for not regularly checking up the tires' condition.

Incident 2:
I decided to hand in my assignment today. Hence, I went to library for editing and send it to the printing shop. I have a total of 4 pieces of paper to print. Unfortunately, 3 were printed out and that only one fucking cover page couldn't be open by that Microsoft Word. File corrupted. Asked for help but it indicated that I was not meant to hand in today. Right, I guess it was planned by god huh???

Incident 3:
After one hour and fifteen minutes of class, I headed to library to soothe myself. On my way, I saw a transparent box filled with money and I did what I could. Obviously, I did it to clear my negative thoughts. At least, I felt relieved.

Incident 4:
After 45 minutes in the library chatting with my director, I headed for class again. While walking, there is this man holding a bouquet of flower in front of me, I don't pay much attention. I reached my class and I saw the man with flowers in my class. Well, what I can see was the girl accepted the flowers and had kissed each other. That didn't bother me at all and as it goes on... I got shocked and shivered. I turned away as they keep cuddling and kissing. I couldn't bear it and I lowered my head down. Then, JS told me that I should've come earlier as they were kissing passionately in the class. Thank goodness, the class is almost empty. I freaked out and exclaimed what the fuck, that's because they look so fake as though they are on the drama. Please don't accuse me for being mean. I'm just elaborating what I see and think.

Incident 5:
During class, short meeting was held among groups. I've got to say, I was daring and brave to pick the finance department. Business plan...wee, wow, hmm, right. Well, FYI, the financial part is the crying part actually. Anyways, I tried not to leave it as a trouble for me as I can enhance my finance at least and I had 2 assistants... So, if you ever see me so tense up, please forgive me as I don't have the intentions to do so.

Incident 6:
After the meeting, I went to FBL building to meet my tutor regarding my assignment. Damn, I repeated my stupidity again, I did not jot down her room number and I had finished exploring FBL building, if you get what I mean. Finally, I found her room...

Incident 7:
I've seen the Dean List. I wasn't listed and was terribly miserable about that. Ok... I've been like a brat for complaining. It wasn't me the only one that wasn't listed. The people that I've been expecting wasn't in there. How surprising... To sum it all up, I wasn't the only one. I had companions...weee. I'm not trying to be mean.

Incident 8:
6 pm. Genius Lim had all his day packed up till 6. On my way to meet him, I saw the clouds were extremely DARK and I mean it. So, both of us hurried to the car park. Apparently, that Genius Lim demanded for crepes at that critical moment. I left him there and walked swiftly to the carpark. It was drizzling...then it POURS. WOW. I drove out from the campus and had a U- Turn at the traffic light. From that moment, the whole journey seems to be blur. I hardly see the road but I can see the cars.. Lights la... I spent almost 45 minutes the whole journey. The longest journey from campus to home. Traffic light, rain and cars. What do I expect???


So, I guess it was true... the old saying, never ever wash your hair during the first and the fifteenth day of the lunar month. I go against it this morning and this is what happen throughout today.

Another thing is... I need courage to show and say. I really need it. Hopefully my brain work tomorrow. Wish me luck and I mean it.

Pains.Taboos. Chess Pieces.

Slumdog's Millionaire had dominate the Golden Globe Awards a.k.a. Oscar.
Meanwhile, Benjamin Button won 4 awards.
Hugh Jackman is looking smart and gorgeous with his perfect length of shoulder.
Agh... How could Adrien Brody did not shave his beard and cut off his mullet? Damn.
All these results are expected. What I can't expect is Sean Penn won. Wow... no rumors, tabloids and news about him.
Yup, I'll watch those movies but not in this midst of chaotic.

Apparently, Nik sounded disappointing after she told me that the new movie, 'Burn after Reading' starring George Clooney and Brad Pitt are all bullshits. She said there are no plots at all after spending 2 freaking hours in the cinema. It was a major disappointment even though there are great actors starring in. So, before I also fall in for the trap, I might read the plot first from Wiki.

I had classes from 10am till 9pm. That's so *wow*. Plus, it's rainy day that somber everyone day. Thank goodness, I had people to accompany me for the whole day (almost). At least, I had sayang accompanied me to had my dinner. Anyways, my sores from my back and lumbar had came back. Hence, the whole time I was suffering from unnecessary pain. Damn it. I have to find my comfortable zone to ease the pain even though I have to sit with an ugly posture. I need OSIM. That's the least I could think of.

Lucky number 4 strikes again academically. Number 4 seems to be the most appeared number in my current life. I've seen how this number 4 bring me joy and amusement. Few years back, I used to despise the number 4 by avoiding the number to appear in whatever means. However, few years back again, I tried to accept it and it works. It's just a taboo and the pronunciation sounded almost the same, I mean how bad can it be right? It's just a number for goodness sake.
Here's what I'm trying to relate,
During my Managerial Communication (tutorial class), we have to draw lots for individual toastmaster. At first, the first number that I've got was 21, then, due to technical error, we redraw. Surprisingly, I got 24...a 4 appear and I was happy to see that. Later on, when my tutor began to ask my classmates whose number begins with 1-6 to choose a number from 1-6 for their chosen topics. The number range are all Chinese. Hence, they picked their desirable numbers and number 4 was the last choice that no one wants it. In my mind, I had predicted that number 4 will be the last option. Upon hearing that number 4 is the last option, my mind exclaimed that, 'For goodness sake, it's just a number. Do you have to be that superstitious?' Ok..maybe I sounded too exaggerating but those are just numbers. They don't bring harm unless you're cursed with the numbers.

I have to proclaim myself that I'm a woody person too. Few days back, I've repeatedly called the same person WOODY. Now, I ended up with the same stupidity, just that I categorize myself in WOODY. You know, Woody is KAYU. On the other side, I had already made so many moves from my pieces. Now, I see many ways to grab the King. Haha... Yes, ways that are made for the pieces to move without any barriers. Hopefully.

Big Reminder

I do really need a BIG BIG BIG reminder for myself.

My tasks:

Marketing assignment due in 2 weeks time.

Financial Management I assignment deadline is on the 20th of April. (approximately 8 weeks time, yikes!)

Business Plan...somewhere week 9 for my academic year. (Advance English)

Presentations

Proposals

Sponsors

yada

yada

yada

Back to the mortals

I've been sighing so many times recently.

Only Susu, Jonathan and HY knew...( I think so ).

Sayang, sayang.

Why lar JS have to trigger back my trauma...that causes me to wink for 20 minutes before I go to sleep. It was 1 a.m. when I was winking and staring at the white ceiling.

But, thanks to him, I'm clear right now. Now, I know what I want. I will fully utilize that freaking well around the desert.

I'm now, no more longer in zombie world. Back to the mortals. If I want it, I will work hard for it academically. If I desire for it, I wil confront it. I believe that I will have no regrets about it. It's even relieve to work for it rather than keeping it.

Wish me luck and stand by my side if I ever fail for it. Don't question me just like I never question you all.

Right now, I'm very clear for what I want. I believe that I can make it happen. Have faith in me.
However, please constantly remind me my goals so that I won't abandon it just like 'hangat- hangat tahi ayam'. This time, I mean it.

25 random things

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1) Seriously, I don't know what to do with these 25 random things. I copied and pasted from my Facebook.

2) Not much people know that I had stayed in Brunei for like 8 years. Those who knew are actually my primary schoolmates.

3) Had cheated in exams before in primary school and have stopped ever since high school???

4) During form 3, I learned skateboarding by myself and I think not much people knew about it.
Yet, I still ended up bruiseless..haha, where I only learned how to move with skateboard. The rest is history.

5) Due to the Avril mania back when I was form 1, I always aspire to be her (that link no.4) and now, i detest her.

6) Who says men are better in directions. I'm also as good as them when I'm in back seat. LOL

7) I skipped Miss Rosie Yeo's art class before which bring major disaster to me and Nisha as I didn't do any of her art works...haha

8) When I was around 15-17, I had many dream jobs which my current major is not even in the list of it.

9) I always wanted to join The Amazing Race Asia ever since the show started. Anyone to join me?

10) Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise are not good looking. Please agree with me.

11) I love the sound of thunder and lightning is beautiful. I'm serious.

12) I always think that I'm invisible. Well, thanks to Hani. I'm really invisible. Not much people knew my existence.

13) I'm paranoid towards death.

14) Recently, I found out that I'm an emotional person as in sad and happy. Not the angrily type.

15) Happy Tree Friends never grossed me out and I enjoyed watching them. Lala lala lala lala

16) I swear and curse a lot with my brothers. (they are the ones who started it) including babi sial.

17) I prefer my bed to be in messy. I prefer my blanket is everywhere unfolded.

18) I swear I've seen Pn. Rohani (my KH teacher) was sleeping in her car around 7.30 am!!! (shouldn't at this time around teachers suppose to punch their card before its late). My friends and I constantly sing 'Rudolph the red nose reindeer'. We even freaked out how can she be on TV. Oh yea, she even sleep in her sewing room where she locks it. (We peeped through the key hole)...man. Haha

19) I was challenged by my friends (high school) to finish my bread with 3 bites and I won....

20) I can never get rid of the habit to procrastinate. Seriously...I need rehab.

21) I've disected frog and I never like frogs. I had my first frog meal, I picked up with my chopsticks, taste it and I never ever would want to order frog for meal anymore. I started to imagine real live frogs whenever people are talking about eating frogs. Goosebumps started to crawl my whole body and I shivered.

22) I am an introvert. Believe me. I love showing off for the good reasons. I preferably people to classify me in weird and mysterious. I'm also a nerd.

23) I save the world through conserving papers and recycling plastics. But, I still use to aerosol to kill bloody mosquitoes.

24) I love Sesame Streets and I always think that Teletubbies are for freaks. Barney is encouraging kids to have imaginary friends (that bloody purple dinosaur is an imaginary freak). Spongebob is awesome. I still wondering why people love Winnie the Pooh so much and how come they don't realize that Winnie's cartoon is teaching the kids wrong spelling??? and no one protest.

25) I'm also one of the organization of FOB.


I don't know who to tag. It's fun. Once you started, it keeps you going and going and going till you wanted to add more numbers. So, I stay to the limit and some things are meant to be kept.

Sharing with Susu is caring

'Sigh'

It's so crucial to let my thoughts flying somewhere and not concentrating.

Keep on repeating the same scene again and again.

Then, smiling it back to sleep.

However, it's so terrifying to know that there are no any replies.

Somehow, just let it be

'Beginning to sing Beatles- Let it be'

I've got to say Thank you to my beloved Susu for sharing it with me (yesterday, according to Malaysia time, if you're reading this, Susu).

I was delighted that she has the reaction that none of my friends had give it to me.

So glad to share it with her.

Too bad we only manage to catch up for 2 hours plus, otherwise, it would've been more giggles.

Susu denoted me being secretive... Thank you as I really want to be portrayed that way.

Susu also denoted me as independent. Thank you for believing in me and I'm one.

Ya, Susu...you've to read between the lines. Haha...

So, yesterday's conversation had turned ourselves to girly girls (eh susu, you know what I mean)

But, the girly girls character was just a temporary act as we ain't one.

I'm so glad and touched after all these years (our high school and primary school) I'm still able to share with you, even though we are thousand miles apart.

My beloved dear Susu.

*am being sentimental now, so please understand and read it with an enjoy mood for more fun*

Believe me, these is just so..speechless

I couldn't believe that Coldplay didn't won any single frigging award from their very own British Grammy. That is freaking funny while in USA, they've won and dominated the Grammys. I've browsed thru the winner list and remember vividly that fucking Duffy won. I find her noise is irritating even worse than microphone screeching. I freaked out. Her songs are just like kindergarten's songs. Coldplay's songs definitely rocks out Duffy's. I rather watched Hitler's horrifying documentary rather than listening to Duffy. How's about that.

Let's talk about rivals of ex-Disney's girls. Lindsay Lohan vs Hilary Duff.

Before these girls became slutty and solo, their images were always being portrayed innocent with their (fucking fake) smiles. Now, thanks to the papparazis, we can now see the true self of them. Very good. After papparazis help, they immediately turned to what they want. Pure Hollywood lifestyle: drugs, boozes, sex and same thing again and again. Oh puh-liz, no matter how much deny, do you ever believe it? We know that entertainment industries lifestyle is always full of lies and it's just like a coat of paint on rusty metal. Even their productions had portrayed themselves like Britney's Circus album (cheap songs).
So, the upcoming wannabes of these bitches are probably Miley Cyrus and other girls.

Jonas Brothers~ cough~ gays and sissy~ cough~.
I've to thank to Juinn Ruei (I think is her) for remarking that statement.
Jonas Brothers labeled themselves under the name of rock.
Wow...
I don't think their songs are nice and real meaning of rock. Yet, they still want to claim themselves rock. Shit them. They are just bunch of pretty faces fishing for those naive teenagers' money. Believe me. They are over exposed and they are not talented. Posing with musical instruments make them feel as though they are rock bands. Well, my pet rocks better than them. They are better off to be classify as boy bands. Nowadays, there are too many bands that holding instruments and posing with them as though la they are really rock bands. They have not come across with the real rock bands. I rather listen to Il Divo than Jonas Brothers. Way back then, N'sync was the best boy bands...haha...

I must say there are hidden talented people whom has yet to be discover. I couldn't remember them but they are truly talented.
John Mayer is definitely one of them.
Sara Bareilles
Meiko
and
so on...

Don't forget that I'm an avid music listener. You can critisize me if you think I don't have taste in music but please do remember that I've listened to many songs from every genre. I know what pleases my ears and what annoys my ears till they bleed.

POV on horror movies

I was too tired last night with sores on my back. So, I decided to settle down on the comfy sofa and watched 'Shutter' again. It all begins when I was hunger for a movie and I couldn't find any good movies on the television and I searched high and low for DVDs. Yet, there aren't any movies as I've almost finished watching those DVDs. Thus, I watched 'Shutter' all over again. If only that DVD player can read my pendrive, I would have repeated 'Love Collage'.

Surprisingly, those suspense and spooks do really gave me a shock. No wonder 'Rotten Tomatoes' rated 79% and labeled it as fresh. That's really awesome. So much for my Ananda Everingham. Not only he is handsome but he is also talented.

Only me and my brothers were watching the movie and predicting those shit spooks. No laughter as I was too tired to laugh. I want to remain constant mood.

Usually, my brothers and I will always laughed at every ghost movies' spooks till tears came rolling down. Oh boy...that's how our ghost movie turn into self made comedy movie. So, whenever I watched ghost movie alone, I'll laughed as I keep on imagining the possible jokes that the jokers could give.

However, when it comes to the cinema, watching horror movies in cinemas had become another scenario. I screamed and shouted while I can as no one knows who is the menace. I called it as stress reliever. Believe me, it will be soothing after all the shouts even though those scenes aren't scary at all.

Right, I went too far. Back to the movie, the ghost creation is really good. Those suspense do not have too much sounds effect which is even scarier. Before credits started rolling in, the answers for every puzzles were revealed which is a curiosity reliever. Well, I've to admit that the ghost is prettier than the main actress. Too bad, the ghost is on wig all time. Not really the ghost, it was the woman before she became ghost. Besides, this movie is also related to my interest. Ya, it was smart of my brothers to relate it with my interest and 'Love Collage'. Wonderful. I didn't know till they shouted at me. Struting and freting that I've watched 'Shutter' for like 4 times. Haha... If only Ananda had his hair cut then there will probably be more drooling. The remake which released last year wasn't a success as I don't really know why. I relied on Rotten Tomatoes and still I haven't watch them yet.

Previously, there are remakes of Ju-On, The Depart (Wu Jian Dao) and which I couldn't really think of right now wasn't a huge success. The reason, simple: The originals are always the one that every audience remembered.

Now, I'm searching for 'The Sixth Sense'. Till then, happy weekends.

Short and fun noon

I had nice lunch today even though I only had sandwich for lunch. Great companion even though it's only an hour.
That is fun, too bad I'm somewhere in the middle. It could've been either YES or NO. Sayang, sayang.

I'm looking forward for my next treat.

After lunch, I drive down to Jusco for making reservation and window shopping by myself.

Clothes, shoes, bookshops, pharmacies, supermarket and ICE CREAM.


I was craving for the vanilla taste in any form (I'm still a big chocolate fanatic). Eventually, I ended up getting vanilla ice- cream with chocolate topping (I still can't resist the chocolate). Results: I can't taste vanilla at all as I was greedy for chocolate. Have you ever discover on how to eat? Apparently, I do..I was in the midst of cloud nine then it struck my brain. Ways to eat that ice- cream and that's because I'm a big fan of ice- cream or cold desserts. Love it till the max.

I even did survey for my assignment...all the way down to milk aisle.

I've got friends saying me that I'm a perfectionist when they see me doing work. Of course, I know the phrase that says, 'No one and even God is perfect'.
Maybe that's because I want to try my best and I work hard for it if it's something that caught up in my mind.
That's why I am diagnosed with Obsessive-compulsive disorder (maybe 60%) which eventually tensed me up and my boiling point rise faster than usual. So, never get on my nerves when I'm in the midst of important task. Even one tiny distraction that ruin the short routine does really mess up my whole plan.
Hence, I need a lesson on chilling.

I'm too afraid to lose on my whole heart-ed efforts that I've sacrifice.


The pain in my shoulder is getting relieve yet I still can feel the sore.

Idea-less posts

I've the urge to blog but I've no thoughts to share today. Some things are meant to be kept personally. Ask me and I'll tell you.

By the way, I'm suffering from physically pain from my lumbar to my shoulders. Small issues big pains.


Life never felt so good when you keep complaining for attentions.

So lost to crap so much that still doesn't help

I confess that I'm sick. I don't want to be specific about that today. A sick that leads me to disastrous days.

I've got to give credits to Jonathan for understanding what am I going through. I've to admit that sometimes I love talking about philosophies of life and my friends tend to ignore me and give me that fucking sweat sign. Jonathan understands that. He is picturing me in a desert circling around the well (which I did not took notice) and not knowing what to do with it. He denoted me for being workaholic. I agree at times when I'm not procrastinating. It's funny to realize that I'm always being specific and discrete in whatever I do. That leads me to over sensitive of other people's needs.

Why do I always have to be the first one to move?
I don't want to write those in my chapters of life and that's not fair.
I've lent many ears and hands out there yet, people tend to ignore me. I did not ask for a repay but at least, my existence. The less, the better. I shall stick to my own little circle and I'm fine with it.

Sayang, sayang.

I've met guys that made promises to me and mostly, they are always fail to fulfill it. Right now, I'm conscious to what they say. No sweet talks unless you're able to fulfill it. It hurts a lot and girls out there, please stop being naive.

Another friend of mine that I want to say thank you is HY. He, not only understands well his friend and he is also seems to be an expert in one particular field.

Anyways, I had fun in English class today as it only revolves my small circle. Ish...
So many happenings occur at the same time. I've no idea which to accept.

How to express my feelings in a proper way?
I'm lost.

Forsaken

I totally want to give up my responsibility as I can't see the prospect that where should I stand. I've heard so many people sighing that they are about to give up in certain things. For me, I tried my best not to give up in everything I do but this time, I really have to give up. I don't have the commitment to finish it. I have to balance everything and like I said before I'm still under the state of zombie.

Well, I've told these dilemma to my classmate before and I've repeated it again, telling if only I've forsaken it earlier. I'm beginning to feel like a grandma for repeating my stories again. I could've concentrate on the interests that I love it so much. Although, I've told the person in charge to forsaken me, but they do have their own reasons.

Seriously, when I started to talk something serious, people tend to think that I'm joking. (The fact that I am really serious) and start to ignore me. That's why it's best for me to shut up. Even though, I do have my own opinions but I just prefer to work it out rather than saying it unless I have the urge to protect myself.

Besides, I'm quite vulnerable by exposing all my privacy publicly. That indicates I'm stupid. Agh.. feeling so emotional today. Well, for those who know me well, they knew why I blog.

Damn it...it never feels so good.

Self absorbed

I'm so proud of these shots. For the time being, just allow me to be self- absorbed. Thanks to the G-900 of Sony Erricson.


Was listening to Wrong Impression- Natalie Imbruglia

Summarization of another ordinary day

Just came to realize that I've not done my tutorial homework for Financial Management subject. If I'm not mistaken, my tutorials leap faster than my lectures. Oh cow, how to keep it up and finish it? I've another assignment where the due date happens to be next week and another one is a month later. Definitely, gonna kill my brain cells.

My classes were canceled today which my lecture had announced last week. Apparently, there are ignorant people who still came in to lecture venue and was found shocked to see the class empty after 30minutes late. I had fun by informing them that the class was canceled and looking at their reactions. You should have seen the numerous reactions I got. Well, as for me, I was suppose to be there for a group assignment meeting. Conclusion: These ignorant people did not log in to MMLS. Haha...

I came back home from campus and found out that my house is out of water. There is no water supply which ended up dirty dishes. I couldn't brush my teeth and put on my retainer. I can feel the teeth are moving.

This morning, I got up with a heat rash on my hand. It turned red and I was late. I had to drive up to 2 journeys. Damn it.
Another ordinary day which is Paris-dumb-sick-blonde-Hilton's birthday today. Hitz.fm dj's seems to imitate Paris but it sounded more of like the not so transsexuals in White Chicks (the movie). I cursed her for giving me heat rash early in the morning.

Pretty hot day and it's raining...finally. If the weather keeps on going being humid and hot with that scorching sun, I guess the God is actually breeding more mosquitoes to reduce the number of the world's population. Now, it's raining and it dampens the air by moisturizing it...so how many more mosquitoes are going to be in the air?

I was in library today to crack my head on making things easier for my assignment teammates. After an hour of cracking, I took a rest.
I'm alone and I had the whole table as mine. Incredible. Only 1 subject and I had it all mine. It felt comfortable to have my own place by myself without anyone interrupting my concentration.

SMK Infant Jesus Convent

People check out my secondary school. It's in WIKIPEDIA!

And it's not sharing any page.
How ironic.
Click it.

SMK Infant Jesus Convent

They even enclose my school's song lyrics.

Wrong Impression

One of my all time favourite songs. Check out the lyrics in the video. Unwanted actions doing in unconciously.
Very good violin
Sweet song I would say.

Life spans in afterlife

Technically, I think I'll be the person that is daring to say something like this.

When am I going to end my life span?

Am I going to end it in a tragic way?

Would I end it with satisfaction, achievement from what I have?

What is going to happen to my sayangs when I end my life?

Well, enough said. I had all these questions mingling my mind for long time. You see, when someone who is related to someone had passed away, it is curious for me to know the afterlife. Yet, I'm too scare too reveal the truth.

So, like I always said, I can't predict the future and I'll live my life as days go by. Sometimes, I despise fortune telling for knowing the scary truth. However, it is fun to discover how true it is. Frankly speaking, I love fortune telling and criticizing them for all the wrong predictions.

I've encounter a fortune teller who fortunately is a far relative of mine. He had studied his fortune telling in Taiwan where he is working an insurance agent in US. He had this programme that can list down every boxes' life while he translate the meanings. Well, he can see death but unwilling to reveal it as..according to the Chinese fortune telling rules, they are forbid to reveal the death of one. Not only they will have their life span shorten but may lead those who had their readings to another way where they shouldn't be.
Well, mine, definitely was not revealed. So, as they said, believe in yourself, work hard, be good and sincere, be truthful and ethical (for businessmen) and do more good deeds will ensure a better life as in peaceful life.
I believe in those.
That is why I read karma books. Buddha's karma. The effects and factors of the karma. Surprisingly, after reading them, all the factors and effects had happened and it will happen again. So, bad crooks out there, please be careful. It's not too late to turn back.
If you ever wonder why these undeserved crooks are pleaded not guilty...well, leave it to god. God know how to work on them.
Oh my goodness, ever since when I'm being religious.
FYI, karma is more to philosophies of life rather than superstitious. The lord teach us how to deal with life daily.
There is no necessary to think about suicidal where the God forbids and the suicidal souls will never be reincarnate.

So, I try to take every chance to say 'Thank you', 'Sorry' and 'I love you' to my sayangs (though, it irritates my brothers...haha)

Bad song by Daniel Powter

What a day today..I don't know if I should denote it as a bad day or just some ordinary day. I am feeling exhausted and got to realize that I've got whole bunch of tasks to do.
To be honest people, I am now still under the state of zombie. I got up everyday with stars circling on my head from morning till I got to bed. My days are hectic and messy. I couldn't organize my day well with the proper time that I had.
Oh days!

Today, it is seriously exhausting. I've to run errands and ended up wobbly legs. I've blank mind today and I blame it on the song that I overheard today. Bad Day- Daniel Powter. I, can say that I never like that song as it is cursing my days (tho the video clip is cool). Seriously, I heard it this morning and there goes the rest of the day. Superstitious me.

First, someone had almost get on my nerves today that requiring me to carry an extra load of papers.
Secondly, I am too stupid to ask additional questions regarding my new CPU.
Thirdly, I spent 2 freaking hours plus a stuffy and hot weather outside and still not able to feel relieve.
Fourth, I came home and linked to my friend's blog. Got shocked to receive such bad news. A primary schoolmate's sister of mine had pass away. No elaboration. Condolences to the family.
Fifth, I am so exhausted by today and feeling frustrated due to the unfinished personal task of mine.
Sixth, when will I actually got to sit down and laze whole day fantasizing with my songs?

My forever unfinished personal task had begun since half a year ago. Oh cow, why did I even agree in the first place? Now, it is adding its weight in the box called BURDEN.

This morning, I came across with an adult who was diagnosed with down syndrome. The feelings I had received was a mixture of concern, heart pain and pitiness. It occurs everytime when I see them. I have to endure all this kind of bad feelings and I couldn't do anything to help them. It's all the matter of genetics.

I'm so exhausted by the upcoming days. Now, what it means by being the head of the family.

Last night, I chatted with HY for some advises and I think he is pretty smart to stay out of the business. He sensed something fishy months ago and thank goodness he kept them all by himself. Who says sharing is caring? I don't know what to do. Move or stay. Let the time prove everything and if it's heaven's made. All these things had tempt me to watch 'Jerry Maguire'. 'You had me at Hello'- Jerry Maguire.

I wanna go to Angkor Wat to watch the sunsets and sunrises. Anyone for Angkor Wat?

It's ok to have 100++ songs

So, it was post valentine...I had few people came and asked me, how was valentine? Oh well, I had it in my posts and I ain't gonna repeat it again.
Some are happy, some had fun and they are mostly singles.
Felt glad for them as there is nothing wrong to be single. It's also known as Single and Awareness Day.
I read newspaper today that they advised busy people (maybe me) to keep update their songs in MP3 or 4 to freshen up oneself. It is undeniable that I love music a lot till I kept repeating it over again. I do download songs pretty much and before that I claimed myself that I'm greedy for having too much songs. Too much till I have not got the chance to listen to the old ones yet I still complained that there are no more songs for me. However, the news prove me wrong and that pushes my guilt away. Wee...don't ask me why guilt.
Now, I have fully utilized my capacity of my baby (MP3). The destination drive had reached it's maximum capacity. Damn, I'm now asking for more songs to feed my brain.
How ironically greedy of me.
Now, I don't listen to albums, I just randomly find songs to suit in the mood. I don't have any likes of singers right now. I only find what's right in pleasuring my ear.
Hence, it is right to have many songs in my baby.

From Daft Punk to Beyonce
From Incubus to John Legend
From Panic! At the Disco to LV's song
From Usher to John Mayer

So on...my Mp3 are filled with colourful songs. Just get what it says.


Later on, I went for browsing brand names again and little did I know, Bonia was found in Malaysia. I went all ups and downs just trying to be distinctive among other groups. That's where I have to drive myself nuts and that is all the fun I can have right now.


I want to watch 'Sixth Sense' and 'Ghost House' (Ananda Everingham is starring in). Anyone up for it?

Ocean's Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen

I pampered my brain with watching DVD movies found in the drawer far far away...
I, eventually did not manage to finish my tutorials cause got distracted by the temptations of the movies.
So, I dug up and found George Clooney's set of movies.
Ocean's Eleven attracted me.
In the end, I put the DVD into the DVD player, switch channel, grab some snacks and 'PUFF', I landed on the sofa comfortably.

The whole cast (apart from George Clooney) are

Brad Pitt
Bernie Mac
Casey Affleck
Matt Damon
Scott Caan
Eddie Jemison
Don Cheadle
Shaobo Qin
Andy Garcia
and Julia Roberts

Very good plot and I enjoyed every lines that they said. Short and deep yet understandable.
Lots of laugh
It was a remake from the 1960's according to the Wiki.
It seems like Italian Job but way much better in planning.
Mastermind by George Clooney with his eleven partners in crime.
Anyways, I spent the whole evening watching and finishing those sequels.

Ocean's Twelve and Ocean's Thirteen.
Worth spending time watching.
I spent 6 hours of watching them together with the hot and stuffy weather out there.
Go Wiki and download it.
Worth watching.
So, overall, I watched 4 movies in a day plus Love Collage.
I'm about to finish Godfather 1, 2 and 3.

Happy Single and Awareness Day

Today is Valentine's Day or Single and Awareness Day for both of the status.

Whether if it's single or in a relationship, life still goes on. No big deal. It's the day where everyone find reasons to booze, party, have sex (make love cause it's V day????), make profits (restaurant, cinemas, florists, sweet confectioneries and so on) and more that one can think of.

I'm going to spend the whole day for myself (obviously).
Watching lots of break up movies, horror movies, action movies..maybe?
Flipping my tutorial questions just to get those curse away.
Finish my forever unfinished activities...reading my novel and magazines.
Sleeping.
Looking for remote control.
Downloading unnecessary stuffs just to satisfy my pleasure of slowing down the computer.
Chatting with whoever is still on the line.
Cleaning up the moods and move on with a new strategy.
Irritate my brothers which ended up messy house.
Listening to my songs till I'm deaf tone.
Stupid things to do.

Last night, I watched Japanese horror movie alone without any human presence. Wasn't that scary at all. Every ghost appearance was predicted and the victim's story wasn't that mysterious and stupid theories. I don't know why I spent my time finish watching that instead I could have watched The Nanny sitcoms.
All the actress look aneroxic physically but they own a healthy pretty face (that is where make up got their credits).
This horror movie is dark and not much suspense.
Ghosts are not scary enough.
Trying to make their unique ghost sound ala Ju-On which was unsuccessful.
Ending is sad.
Everyone die in the end.
Stupid theories (my own thoughts).
What is it have to do with the little girl (more of like backdrop suspense)
The main actress mother had no explanation why is she there
Stupid theories
Bad plot
Too much complain from me.

That is why I claimed that 'The Ring' and 'Shutter' are still the best Asian Horror movies. (had the best ghosts ever)
Western horror movie is SLOW or either have to involve with physically looking shit creatures.
Except for 'The Exorcist' (freaking 360 degrees of head spinning and please get the uncut one if you tend to watch it) and 'Poltergeist' (they are here)..maybe the 'Sixth Sense' (Haley Joel Osment is adorable)
Actually, I couldn't find anymore good horror movies.
It all depends on the director's imagination and creation for suspense scenes.
Just like the Pang brothers movie C+ detective...not a ghost movie but they manage to create suspense that sounded like ghost movie (in the end, they still have ghost appearing normal).
Maybe I'm numb to ghost movies.
Maybe I've heard too much of ghost stories.
Maybe I almost experienced one.

Somehow, I still have the urge to watch the movie over again. 'Love Collage'...if I ever start watching again, it would have to be the 6 or 7 times. Thanks to JS for downloading that movie. Too bad there are no subtitles and I'll just learn Japanese manually. Haha...
But, I can guess their lines as this is like god knows how many times I watched this movie. It's a good movie for me. Not any of your typical love story and it is not love story to me. Something that associated with my interests. I welcome to those people who have watched that movie and would like to share it with me.
Watch it in YouTube.

Thanks to JS.


Listening to Me, Myself and I- Beyonce.

Jonker for vendor

So, SL was taking my phone for cam whore in the car...well, she had fun at least.




It's not as easy as it seems that is just what I realized after the whole searching and planning. It was fun of course, going downtown to Jonker where the last time I been there was a year ago. Not much changes as I thought. More and more accessories vendors, girl's accessories I mean.
Compare to the Hong Kong's Ladies Street, Jonker is still far away from it. Not much things there like what I've expected. Even the results of asking them for vendor-ing, not a dissapointment and not a success. Somewhere there.
I wanted to take pictures but I felt so reluctant...as I am lack of time.
My head just kept turning to left and right looking for something new, yet, we are not the only one. Screw the CLS!
CLS totally screw up my plan...irresponsible brats for messing up the owner's machine without cleaning up. Now, they wouldn't want to lend us their machine.

Anyways, we had lots of food..Berry did, not us...but we helped her to finish them those tidbits. Walking the whole strech approximately 5 times??? From 5pm till 9pm, how about that?
We went through all asking around and totally got rejected. How ironic when vendors are afraid of MMU students...Don't ask me why.
Well, I've to clean up those irritating thoughts of mine. So tiring. Very tiring. Didn't know the fund raising require so much work. How ignorant I am back when I was a foundation student. Now, I know.
MMU's fund raising had been tarnished by the previous fund raisings which is very frustrating.
Ok lar, not much thing to be said right now. Let my mind be peaceful, at least for a while.

So much of laughter after having our sushi there. This and that of goosebumps. Words that can only be used in movies. Shit it. Pre- valentine.


Thank you to my buddies, SL and Berry
Thank you to Bing Hung a.k.a. Hung Hung (named by SL, SL: eh, you don't mind ar I call Hung Hung? BH: or this is for her to call only? Hahahahahahaha)
To Daniel (in case you're reading, stay cool ok..it's all the matter of joke)

Thou shall not give up till the very last minute.

despising v day

Valentine's Day is about to come in days which irritates me a lot and don't question me for the whimsical reasons. Hence, I shall despise the V day. You can call me the green eye girl but that's your mouth and I don't have the rights to stop you.
Gee...
If I don't ever get a date for V day, that leaves it to the 10 or maybe 5 reasons why am I still here.

Let's see how you people judge these reasons

If I don't ever get a date, that will be...

1. because I want to dig myself into the couch and searching for the bloody remote
2. because I don't want to get pregnant on the day where most women might ended up having sex
   
3. because I was playing hard to get and ended up sucking the grape alone
4. because I want to be a love murderer????
5. because I am tired of throwing plates to my other half

Ah...to the hell it is. What the heck am I crapping.

I shall watch lots of movies and movies where I'll try my best to avoid going out unless I have a date.

Donnie Yen

Just finished watching Ip Man and yes, the movie had released 2 months ago. Nah...who cares. I am watching the high quality version compare to the cinema's screen.
Well, the main purpose I'm blogging right now is that Donnie Yen is gorgeous.
All his moves on martial arts are really just awesome in Ip Man. Apparently, I find the movie 'Flash Point' has Donnie's better martial arts.
To be honest, I wasn't a really big fan of martial arts movie till I watched Flash Point and Dragon Tiger Gate. After watching them, I realized that martial arts movie ain't that boring after all. Appreciate every moves and enjoying all the energy that were released for the movie. Superb.
Maybe Jackie Chan's movie ain't my favorite as he is a professional stunt coordinator and I don't find his martial arts as interesting as Donnie's one.
Anyways, Ip Man is in cantonese and is not I P man. Ye Wen is in mandarin.
I find that Ye Wen is a calm and smart person. All his words are wise and still remain calm when the tension is about to arise. Definitely loyal, both to his country and family. Enthusiastic in his martial arts which is Yong Chun Quan. Damn, you should see the part where he challenged with 10 opponents. Breathtaking and I am serious.
Another movie that my brother recommend me is SPL. Apart from Donnie, there will be the Wushu champion, Wu Jing, Sammo Hung and Simon Yam. So, I guess I'll take some time to watch it.

Environment Song from LV

I found my perfect ring tone! Yes...perfect as in soothing rhythm. Just like what I want.
It was all an eureka for my current ring tone.
The story begins...
As I was browsing established brands' website for my assignment, all of the sudden, Louis Vuitton pops up in my head (have to thank one of my team mate's idea).
Thus, I browsed till there. At first, it looks kind of plain and elegant. Then, as it goes on...it still looks the same.
As I go on, I squinted my eyes just to see whatever I saw. I was curious about the environment link. Hence, I clicked it.
Voila...The song came up and I was surprised with the feeling of unbelievable.
Mostly, those established brands website do not have a better song...and I mean it.
So, I sent the link to my friends.
One of them replied me back with the song that had been downloaded.
Oh my fucking goodness...how did my friend downloaded it???
It is just a website with no credits of the song.
Nah...who cares.
I, immediately, extended my sleeping time just to insert that beautiful song into my mobile phone.
Ta da...that's my ring tone.

I was excited about it...as a better song with the genre that I assumed it is ballad, is in my mobile phone.

So, I shared my ring tone to my classmate, Nik, she said that she had heard it before.
Nah...

Then, my mind started wandering away from the lecturer which I fantasized it with that song.
Floral dress, flower fields which only consist of yellow, red and orange colors or maybe lavender field, little brown cottage, snowy mountains, mirror lake, breezy winds and so on...

Yeah yeah yeah, you get the picture. I wouldn't want to describe the ballad but it was fun imagining it.

Anyways, it is all about my enthusiasm that made me smiled.
Have fun fantasizing and I mean it.
Thanks to Jonathan who had downloaded it for me.
So, call me, text me, miss call me so that I can her my mesmerizing ring tone. I don't mind..maybe a stalker for the time being might help but not that over- stalking lar.

Brands

Bloody hell!
Deja Vu had taken place in my class today. Few posts ago, I posted the contribution and it happened to became the 'almost' the topic of the day in the class. She even mentioned repeatedly the brands that I want to do it on my assignment. I was so proud to think of it and my lecturer ruin it by constantly repeating it again and again which she even manage to open the website of it.
Deja Vu...of all the Deja Vus I had encountered. How come it is not the deja vu that I want?
I dreamt of that person so many times and I wished those were the deja vus.
I dreamt that xxxx xxx xxxxx was xxxxxxx me.
Winning lotteries...you know, that kind of feeling of striking the luck.
Yup...and many deja vus that I want.

Now, I have to come up with an alternative for the assignment. Choosing a brand. Just hoping that the form in front of her room's door is still available for me to fill in my desired brand. Coke.
Let's see the brands rivalry soon. I mean soon in my class and assignments.
There are brands everywhere, the populars, the infamous, the unknowns and so on but I still have no idea which one to choose.
If I chose the infamous one, then I'll have trouble on it but that's the challenge.
If I pick on the unknown, I'll have trouble on finding it even though some may have heard it.
If I take the populars, that is normal.
So, I told myself, why take the risks? Do it my own way. I trust myself.

Yike, the due date is also coming soon. Soon...which is next month and I'm still here whinning???

I am not the one

I saw a shocking statement.
So, I was not the one.
That either leave me to move first or get a grip.
I've knew long time that I am not the one.
So, I guess I should move on and look further.
At least, that did not leave me being sober anymore as I view my life beyond every expectations.
Like the movie, 'Dan In Real Life'...(probably teaching me about handling stupid mistakes that I'll make in future), don't plan for life, plan for surprise.
And it is obvious that I couldn't be the one (fucked up, it sounded like Digimon)
Just like I was hoping for Vito Corleone to stay alive till the third sequel. Too bad he was dead in the first and retold in the second.
It was just like the hidden tense scene where 5 families allied with the shithead dog in Corleone to kill Santiano Corleone.

I'm flirting on the phone????????

Minutes ago, I just finished watching free fireworks in my taman...which is illegal, obviously.
Anyways, my loved ones just gave me a shocked by giving me a shocking statement that points me the untrue of me.
I was on the phone with a friend and was just being polite. They claimed me being flirty! It is either just so fucking hilarious or just shitty sickening as they triggered my memories again. Hence, I am there stuck and stun.
That bloody statement was a distraction while I was hurrying to finish my tutorial questions.
I was being me and I don't fake it.

Thus, the statement left me facing-the-wall again and that's where I noticed that I've been doing things unconsciously (act before think).

So, I started flashback-ing,
I hurt people that I love with my unintentional words
I did things without consideration that sicken people around me
I made decisions for my own sake
In the end, I suffer.
Suffering with all the guiltiness and uncomfortable feelings.

(Shaking head)..Nono...what is all the flirty stuff got to do with these????

Shit..bad bad distractions.

Previously, I had friend to tell me to smile more as I look blank???
Then, another friend came and asked why do I keep smiling???
Fucking nonsense.

First of all, I was just being polite
Secondly, I am trying to be nice
Third, what is wrong with smiling??? (I promised myself to smile everyday)

Damn..I kept complaining and complaining...
Bad mood currently...
Must have been the prenumbral eclipse (I couldn't remember what is the spelling)

Flirting huh???
I'm speechless towards that act.
For the time being, I'll speak less.



Was listening to CNY songs.

Contribution

Few minutes ago, I was browsing all the well- established companies website for my assignment purpose.
There are certain websites that had made me impressed and some are just let down especially my favorite brand.
Those impressive websites had made me leave a better impression.
Why is it so?
As those well- established companies had done their part for the community. They repay back their sources back to the environment. Saving the mother nature, poor people and more charitable events.
I didn't know so much effort had been done yet I still see news of famished, poverty and bad statistics in newspaper everyday.
Little did I realize that, the world is so big with millions, trillions and kazillions of people living in the world. Even though, a company's contribution to the community and mother nature had been done. However, it is still insufficient to achieve every of it. That is why each company had different missions on every community that they can give.
Like one particular ice cream company is helping the mother nature to produce more bees so that there are more honey for us. (Well, that's something I don't find it...leave it)
One good company I found is Honda, the car manufacturer from Japan, helped to save rhinos. If I'm not mistaken, rhino is listed in the protected animals from extinction. I give kudos to Honda.

Ok lar, besides mother nature, mostly companies had done contribution to the community especially to the needy ones by donation, providing jobs, support of this and that rights and so on...
This is more towards to the humanistic's need and rights. Very impressive. So, if the newly graduates are jobless, I recommend them to send their resume to the companies that have the link there CAREERS.

I've no idea whether all this kindness act of each well- established company is sincere or to gain publicity, at least, there is love to be share and spread every part of the world.

It's all about responsibilites.



Was listening to Seal- Love's divine

Cruel intentions

Shit..the intentions of every thoughts and actions had come back.

Now, I really need to decide cause I know my abilities and my barriers.

A friend of mine had triggered the unwanted depression back into my brain's canvas.

Now, I've to really sit down and think deep with all the consequences that I can assume which revolves people around me.

It's my right to keep myself happy with a certain boundary and this is all bullshit.

Now, I tried to face it bravely without swallowing every dilemma into my tummy.

This is all frigging bullshit mothertrucker fucking damn it irritating.

I will stand up for myself.

Now, please do give me moral support for whatever I do.

BOOYAH!

I hate socializing

Today while driving (all thanks to that Genius Lim)...I was kind of blur where a line suddenly pops up into my mind.

I hate socializing

Yup...I do...currently.
I've no idea where did I got this line from.
Apparently, it does apply during the evening where I felt so reluctant to find team members for my assignment team. It felt as though I'm so selfish and anti social. Yup..too bad..that is what I'm feeling now. Thank goodness..Nik agreed with me. Just want to have more time for ourselves.

I am not ready to face big crowd. I am not enthusiastic to make new friends yet. I only want to stick with what I've now and not adding anyone into my life yet. Yet, I'm feeling so pathetic. Now, tell me what the fuck am I going through.

I just want to hold on with my small circle and not wanting to expand it currently.
Thinking of sharing extraordinary days with my small circle. Anyone volunteer to jump right in the circle? Haha

Maybe my life is pacing too fast so I need to slow down and see what is revolving and happening around me.
I have not got the chance to appreciate people around me. Not able to adore new friends with special abilities. Lack of time to understand them well.

I'm always shy to ask anyone out for lunch-yamcha including my buddies. Reluctant to ask for help and always hoping the timing is right which is why I always lose my opportunity in every chances I saw.

Depression

Yesterday, I was reading a book called "AM I OKAY?"...something like psychiatrist or psychology book.

I've a vision that anyone who hold that book is gonna receive weird stare and looks but I don't give a fuck about it.

I've to say that everyone is not okay in terms of spiritually. Me..am not okay after all.

The first chapter caught my eyes. ARE YOU DEPRESSED?

I've got to admit that I'm indeed depressed but not suffering from major depression which requires medication. Depression can come in many forms...or mainly stress.

I've picked out one line...
We are born too helpless to survive without the nurturance derived from mutual mum/ child delight. Love offers a hostage to fate.
I agreed..oh...should I call myself pessimist?
Too bad I am cause I always prepare for the worst even though I knew the impact on me is gonna be deep.

I've also found another line, the symptoms of the victim that was diagnosed with major depression:
He said:
my mind...no longer found anything interesting or enjoyable or worth- while. I was incapable of concentrated thought...and was totally exhausted...could scarcely pull myself out of bed in the mornings. It took me twice as long to walk again, as it was otherwise too much of an effort to make a decision about what to put on. I dreaded having to talk with people, avoided my friends whenever possible and sat in the school library in the early mornings and late afternoons, with a dead heart and a brain as cold as clay.

I, once thought that what kept me moving on?

Have I found answers...?
Almost and it was located everywhere.
That is why I had turned myself to be so discrete in everything.
Simple things but extraordinary stories.
I paid attention to every details that I find it amazing in daily life.
That made me draw a smile on my face.
And I'm thankful for those...even strangers.
I see and watch many things each glance.
It was my loved ones that kept me moving on...not exquisite things (they only make me happy temporarily)
You know who you are...

So, it is okay for me to say that I'm not okay as I believed that most of you all are not okay. Just mild depression will do.

Venting your anger and depress will relief yourself from being tied up. There are many ways to vent them. I chose...many ways to vent them.


I am emotional and I admit it cause I knew so much things in life. Even though I'm trying to escape my zaman kegelapan with little bits of healing aids from here and there but courage is still needed to stand up to ward off that fear.
Now, I'll wake up every morning and tell myself 'remember to smile today'.