rocketeer

in a world of madness when every thoughts of mine flowed out. still, i'm at my best condition to stay conscious for i fear for fall. i wish to pawn all i see. what would you see in the world of mist?

* i don't usually take pictures of myself but yeah... i've nothing best to do. thanks to the submission of fyp, i feel lifeless again.

what else can i do to make my life more lively?

RAInBOW

Just completed my FYP and intended to go to bed early but look at the time, already past 12am and I've got tuition to be given in the morning. Then, in the noon I need to wait for email from my supervisor upon the approval of printing. Argh... After completing all these baloneys, I felt bored and lifeless now. I could have use the good time to go read some books and computer is still here to accompany me. I couldn't sleep at this moment right now and I still feel awake. Let me jot down few thoughts from my mind first. Maybe I've gone a bit far by interacting with a guy and I kept assuming these and those, well, you know.... Then, at some point, I felt the rush to spill out everything to let the rock out from the bottom of my heart. I don't care what that person is gonna think because I just couldn't take it anymore and I own a short temper. I might sound selfish for being inconsiderate with the person thoughts but I just couldn't care and take it anymore. What if year 2012 disasters is coming true? Nobody wants to live life regretful which at least, I found a chance to do something right. It's a new era of equality so maybe in some part, there's consideration that can be taken only to the current person I've interacted. "Heaven Forbid" is being played over and over again numerously, some sort of emotional part, I haven't read the lyrics yet but the melody is just enough to make me feel the emotions of the song. I recalled 'Heaven forbid you end up alone' which already made me question everything by taking account of needs and wants. 'Out of this one, I don't know how to get you'.... that ends everything with a hope. Argh, I think I am turning into emotional bitch. Alright. Emo bitch needs to sleep. Off to lala land soon. Au Revoir! A bientot!!!!!

I still fear but it takes a whole amount of courage to stand up

Hello? Hi? Hey?... tired of any typical announce-my-presence greetings. Sometimes, simple smile and head nodding will do. Ya know what I dislike, people shaking hands without sincere.

Anyways, for the past few days weren't any other ordinary good days for me. Once again, I've to undergo the same fear and the cowardly act. No, honestly, yeah. It's still feels unreal to be in fear again. Numerous of nightmare episodes that repeatedly haunting the mind.

It would be sick and irritating to continuously seeking for the same 'therapist' for some ala therapy talks. I can't help but I need comfort and trust-able 'pillow' for me to confess. Someday, somewhere, sometime when it occurs, I've to be facing it alone but when can I have the courage to face it?

My friend taught me to keep myself in the place I'm most comfortable with... I'm looking for a place like this, minimalist artistic.

Although I look as if alright and sleeping soundly in the midst of night, to be honest, I wasn't sleeping sweetly like everyone does. Best part is I don't shed tears for I'm braver than what I've thought.

Buddha, please bless and grant for a tiny peasant's wishes to be good for all.

Adore this look.

I love the bowtie

At times, I'm a bit lonely due to my shyness

Happy Holidays to MMU-ians.

While everyone go for holidays and hanging out with friends, I shall be the geek staying in completing assignments that needed to be done ASAP! Loneliness stalks in.

Tasks:

• All assignments including final year project.
• Getting my checklists done for a vacation.
• Visit dentist.
• More reading.
• PS 3.
• Exercise.
• Tuitions for replacements.

I can't wait for the mid month to come. Another best part of my life is about to be written. I hope that the best part may change me to be more courageous and tougher. I'm still wandering in the same circle, drawing thoughts.

The agony in me has prevailed my empty mind. I don't understand why I still insist to undergo the process of selecting, perhaps I was spoil with given choices around me. Opportunities are everywhere but why am I refusing to make a choice quick and fast? Most importantly accurate. I was torn between two choices and it created plentiful of chaos for all. Doesn't matter if it's selecting what to eat, what to drink, what to do. *sigh*

When one is taken away, the other will fight for it back. - Regrets.

Days go by- Dirty Vegas

So, I've been thinking a lot actually.

How's this?

What if one day a big massacre by begin their slaughters in the country in this era?

What will you do when the massacre days arrived?

I had these fantasies of living in New York long time ago and one day, I began picturing myself in Coney Island enjoying pastel pink cotton candy, hanging out in Coney Island till the sunsets, holding the LC-A camera snapping pictures I like, get a temporary tattoo from there and also getting ecstatics to hop onto all the rides like every other child in Coney Island.

All these moments were just like John Mayer's Clarity music video except I stayed dry in Coney Island.

Anybody wants to fly me to NYC?

*I've tried Fisheye Black 2 and toy camera is fun. It makes you feel spontaneous and lively again! Fun Fun Fun. Don't think, just shoot!!!!!!!

Thinking of owning one and then go around to be spontaneous.

December is coming and I'm falling in love again with Ingrid Michaelson's December Baby. The time has come. I'm content with what I've but not the time that was formed by the Universe.

*Sigh*

can u feel the night?

i'm feeling stress but i just felt reluctant to continue it. i don't have the passion and mood to do it right now, temporarily but i really feel depress to think about it. i got presentation coming up and i feel pretty useless when facing it. i'm still at the point of divergence even though i made my decision to choose a road but my feet refuse to make a step forward. like confucius said a journey of thousand miles begin with a single step yet i'm still stopping whatever progress i am having. its demotivating.

fuck the heat waves

imma talk no more coz i am undergoing a wave that is completely torturing my mind and my body. fuck the heat waves that's circulating around the house from morning till night. damn!

three flavours. two types. one mouth.

alright, i made a combo of three flavours, two kinds and one mouth.

yes. banana, coconut and lemon. cake and tarts. to eat. apparently i spoiled the weighing machine which i ended up to use mathematical converters and calculators to ounce instead of grams. yet, the taste and texture still remains the same. i is winrar.

few days ago, i finished sewing my zippers pencil case and i still have not use it. next project, it's a coin pouch with zippers also. there are two sides, the cool colors and the summer colors.

evening caught me a surprise. the flowers had finally bloomed and it's perfectly pink. not like other eeckie pinks which made me puke for sure.

Eat. Pray. Shit. Spend. Love.

Before I tuck in, I want to share something and it's called Eat Pray Love. Fuck noh, I'm not gonna write like her. FYI, I just dislike watching sentimental movies in cinema and I only go to cinema for surround sound system which concludes ACTION MOVIES. In the end, I only enjoyed the music scores and songs that was in the movie. FYI2, this movie, I wasn't looking forward to it.

Okayh, I watched the movie yesterday and honestly, this 2 hours plus movie is pacing fast. I still opt for the book instead of movie. It leaves me no memories from the scenes except the typical scenery view which I predicted.

This movie took away my initial motivation in search of balance but after I watched the movie, my search for balancing came first before the movie was released. I do sound like a spoiled brat, don't I? You must've been shock that I'm still searching for balance which totally explains why sometimes I secluded/isolated myself. Yet, don't you think I'm too young to look for balance?

Liz is fortunate you know and she's whining which she didn't realized that there are other unfortunate people out there. She already owned and pawned all the things to make her dream come true and she whined???

It still leaves me to sadness when I don't see myself achieving anything. But my theory is Eat. Pray. Spend. Shit. Love.

The author is consider pretty. I can't believe James Franco is inside the movie. He's hot alright but in the end, Julia Roberts goes with Javier Bardem. Luca Argentero who plays Liz's Italian translator is completely chilling my eyes, his smile had charmed me. Ahahaa. Real Italian okay!

suck it and fuck it

She made me feel like dancing and singing with it. So dynamic and slightly dramatic just the way I wanted.

My lessons are getting tougher than I ever thought and I don't have music class history except choirs. Ironically, I still sound a bit deaf tone and dumb beat. Nevertheless, I must not give up for I'm paying my fees with my hard earned money. Damn!

I'm back with stealing arts and I love my 'crimes' on the line. Pictures sizes are too big to insert here.

why is everyone going for holidays and mine is on the wrong time???????

i is fucking jealous okayh and the farrest i ever traveled this year so far was SINGAPORE!

oh, crystal ball crystal ball

It's holidays and I still feel the stress from my part time job. It's really stress until my soul is wandering from the concretions.

Thus, I feel like giving away free hugs while pondering on the song 'Details in the Fabric'. Life just turn bland again. *sigh*

Mum claimed I have hearing problems but there's a history she's not aware of it. Probably slightly damaged.

I feel like getting a lomo camera for myself but lomo's works can't be transfer to computer. I look like part of Simpsons. Hahaha. My old shit habit came back... brutal abuser of internet for relieve.

I've not dreamt far to play in a band but I just want to realize a dream that I've longed for. Drums. Ahhh... the beauty of the hard beats.

Recently, my adorations for Lady Gaga is getting stronger and regardless how much she had worships satan, that is none of my business. I only care for her self esteem and courage which she portrayed herself into her songs but not her vids. Do come to Asia.. when I have the ability to afford her tickets. =)

Ohkaythanksbye.

in terms of this and that, it no longer exist

I lied... I have problems settling down and I do have short span of attention, recently.. I think.

Today I wanna express my projections of impressions.

Somehow, I rather felt that I'm always being used and conned. Okay, maybe it's the way I treat them but I still believe there's no such thing as BEST FRIENDS. I would rather use CLOSE FRIENDS and somehow, betrayal happens anytime when the lust for desires get stronger.

I don't want to say much for I am a considerate person. Well, you all don't read anyways.

The answers to all these baloneys may reveal if I'm willing to find out.

Just go through all these can be a torture and mindfuck but the only thing you must do is to put on a different mask and colors (like chameleon) everyday with different type of people. As you get older, nobody wants to listen to your past unless you are Bill Gates. It's worthless for sharing for no one cares.

If it's you, then be you as long as you don't harm others. If it's not you, no matter how you tried to be different you, don't go for the efforts because that's not you. No one understand yourself other than yourself.

Nuff said. I don't intend to be emo but this is what I've been giving.

Ranting for aging

Apparently, I'm not on my report and it's still undone. In case you concern, it's only 50% done.

I intend to sleep early, okay, hopefully I'm able to finish blogging within minutes... urm... 30mins earlier to bed.. makes sense right?

Recently, I'm addicted to The Fray, The Arctic Monkeys, Panic! At the disco (all over again) and Lady Gaga songs. Lady Gaga... her songs are all what she can create and if you are thinking about illuminati, sorry, I don't give a fuck and damn what her lyrics are talking about, I'm just only enjoying the rhythm she had formed. As if you care...

What I'm suffering now is dilemma.. I had bought all the ingredients needed for cooking but I just do not know what to cook. I've been browsing all the recipes and none of them are giving me inspirations to cook. So, I shall just go with the flow with all the ingredients I've bought.

Everyone kept asking me what am I doing at home right now?

Ans: goyang kaki. Don't tell me it's fucking relaxing and cool. It's forwarding my aging process and I hate that. I don't feel lively at all. Apart from the internet being my current best friend, what I've left is the Astro, reading materials and my undone home projects.

In order for me not to sound like a spoiled brat, I came up with activities to do for pleasing leisure and since no one wants to go for a trip at the mean time so I have to learn to find something for myself.

So long Farewell

Apparently I am not heartache anymore. Like Beatles- Let It Be, if it's not meant for me regardless of how hard I tried, it still won't work for me even if I own it. So, why still mingling the fucking small thought when the world is still round and it's large?

Somehow, I came up of something to fulfill what I wanna do and what I ever dream of though I may be not afford to own it but it's part of it and I am bloody fucking happy.

Today also mark the end of my internship. I shall miss dearly my colleagues and the routines of how I was always rushing to the office. Sleeping for 30mins before the market runs. Starring outside of the window to check the weather, traffic and sial people's parking. Planning for activities after work. Enjoying talking cocks and bulls with colleagues. Planning what to have for lunch. Change departments for fun. ETC ETC.

I thank all of you for having the patience and kindness towards me. Although I knew I did made plenty of careless mistakes but you all were still there to teach and explain to me patiently. We went through the ups and downs like the stock market's volatility. Together we have seen the faces of shitty people and angelic like people. However, it's still the matter of the destiny that had brought us together. We shall meet again.

"People come into our lives in exchange of pen to write our stories and before we leave, we mark down our signatures for a sign of remembrance. Some might leave our canvas with colors, some might leave with just sketches, some might leave with barely scribbles and some might leave us with dots. No matter what we shall remember each other for every meet will always come to an end. However, memory stays forever." By- Danielle (and that's me)!

I'm indeed bored to the extent of spamming everyone's inbox. Should spend lesser time on FB and spend more on something necessary.

So, I is singing... Teenage Dream- Katy Perry, Arctic Monkeys' Songs and music that pleases my ears!

Straight to boredom's hell if it wasn't for my walk in the mall.

I'm whining about my fucking boredom, maybe feeling a bit pathetic for no one wants to accompany me for outing. I always have to do it alone. I browsed and screened through all my contacts... ticked and crossed on my friends' availability. Sadly, in the end, I'm still doing it as a loner.

At the end of the day, I went for grocery shopping to get inspirations... I did, making salads and appetizers for everyone. It's somehow a dream that I wish it could come true in the near future. Anyways, I found out that it's easy to prepare mash potatoes with the gravy as well. Okay, the salads I prepared was a larger portions so everyone could feed themselves with healthy salads instead of eating their daily staple food. By the way, it's enough to stuff them full.

First, I call it Potato meets Spirals that comes with Italian's spiral pasta with sliced cocktail sausages.

Second, I call it Romanies' Mystery that's cause I insert a special oil origin from the Orient.

Lastly, Cheesy Mash. The title says it all what I've insert in to name the dish.

Finally, I didn't know there's good food in Machap Baru and I feel like satisfying my adrenaline rush to drive down there. You've no idea how exciting it could be driving to Machap Baru. You've no idea at all okay! It's fucking awesome if I have good engines and able to fully control the stability of the steering wheel.

Few days ago, I did enjoyed my lunch/tea in Dr. Cafe. Simply marvelous after I discover what's steamed cider and good oreo cheesecake and please don't compare with Secret Recipe's one coz I think theirs are produced from candy confectioneries which has zero existence of layer feeling taste in their cakes. Sadly, it's only the cake that can accommodate everyone's impressions.

I am still reciprocating my suspended account in my laughing sources website. I is fucking sad. Now, I admit how addictive it can be and how I miss it so much.

i am just being random coz i am just happen to turn to mundane

I is sad and mundane because no more laughing sources and I is bored to death. So I drink wine to see see if I can chat with anyone. I'm just being random here.

!) each time i listen to secrets by one republic, it's as if there's people dedicating this song to me. no joke.

@)during evening, i was ecstatic to go window shopping but upon reaching home and found out no ones want to have sotong kangkung for supper with me, i is so pathetic to the max.

#)why do the forum have to suspend me for fucking 7 days???? thats my current addiction and no one can cuts off mama's addiction!

$)i am fear for my coming days before the new semester begins. i don't want to grow old and rotten for the coming days. it is very depressing okay.

%)the talk of the future is killing my hopes and dreams away. what's even worst is it even kills and shreds my courage into pieces. i is scare.

^)maybe i should do something to broaden my thoughts and experiences. should i go for another self motivation trip?

&)what's the next event for me to await?

*)there's a kind of jerk acknowledge your existence but ignore your existence when both of you are in the public. that totally changed my impression of a person.

()i read an article and what it says is true. guys and girls do generate different thoughts and perceptions when it comes to interpreting message signals.

)(i hope they will listen to me and not just speaking for excessive bragging.

_) i is really bored to death without laughters and it's fucking seven days.

U just wasted another of ur 10 mins to read.

Today,....

Okay, I was humiliated and embarrassed by myself, thanks to my absent minded brain.

UNO- I was embarrassed with myself for not going back along with my bags and leaving it behind. In the end, I had second trip all the way down to pick my bags 3 hours later.

DUO- I was humiliated for my stubbornness on the road causing my time to be wasted.

TRES- I was embarrassed by my stupidity in front of the public that causes giggles and laughs.

QUART- I called no one but you for help and that is embarrassing. I sounded like a BIMBO myself and I couldn't believe with myself either. I called no one but YOU and only asking some silly help. FUCK!

The end. Getting lethargic due to the reciprocal of shit habits.

Ok, thanks, bye

Stupidity cut half

So, yesterday I wasn't satisfied with my stupidity for not using a pan to hold the lemon 'custard'. This time I found one and it's round, ok, less frustration than yesterday, at least. It would be better if it's a rectangle or square and line in with a sheet of parchment. Buttered the pan was useless or maybe it was round.

This time around, I got the taste right, what's wrong is that partial of the crust are stick on to the pan and the lemon filling is not really firmly stick onto the shortbread which I think it's because I baked the crust too long.

But, it was a tiny success for the family almost finish it and I reserved some for breakfast. The bigger failure was the wrongs that I mentioned.

I shall try again coz I'm gonna make one for XX and her mom. Heee. But my family loves it, so I feel proud of thyself. I love lemons recently.

*recently, i giggled too much in front of the screen and thanks to the forum. i laughed hard but i is happy.

I did really screw the lemon bars, kitchen is a not the major victim.

So I did mentioned to screw up the kitchen and I did with minimal wastage.

The timeline had passed so it should all be YESTERDAY.

In the morning, I baked lemon bars, the dough a.k.a. shortbread was a success. What cause the failure was the stupidity strikes where the pan is there instead I use a tray even after watching videos for demonstration. So, the tastes are precisely good but the look was a failure. LEMON BARS PHAIL.

Suppose to look like this... but I got trashy one.

So, I don't believe my stupidity will continued this way and I tried making dinner for all. Menu: Potato Salad with chicken sausage and pasta AND Bacon in pita pocket.

I used barbecue sauce for spread and Italian herbs for enhancing the taste for Bacon in pita pocket. It was a success coz preparing sandwiches and salads is easy.

Potato Salad with chicken sausage and pasta

Bacon in pita pocket

But lemon bars PHAIL. I is sad but I is proud coz dinner is fawesome.

Kthxbye

Back when I isolated myself

Yes, I'm gonna be the homemaker for the weekends, if you're wondering, it's not cleaning but rather making the house more appealing with the five senses, I mean literally.

How do you like my world my to be? I love myself more than anyone cause my soul have been seeded into this physical body so I have the responsibility to pamper and care for myself with the appropriation of course. A definite of white and black.

It's been so long that I've not embed a video. This time around it's not really a video but a song instead. This really brought back my memories when I was a mildly isolated and needed this to heal thyself. Yuna's Ballad.