rocketeer

in a world of madness when every thoughts of mine flowed out. still, i'm at my best condition to stay conscious for i fear for fall. i wish to pawn all i see. what would you see in the world of mist?

* i don't usually take pictures of myself but yeah... i've nothing best to do. thanks to the submission of fyp, i feel lifeless again.

what else can i do to make my life more lively?

RAInBOW

Just completed my FYP and intended to go to bed early but look at the time, already past 12am and I've got tuition to be given in the morning. Then, in the noon I need to wait for email from my supervisor upon the approval of printing. Argh... After completing all these baloneys, I felt bored and lifeless now. I could have use the good time to go read some books and computer is still here to accompany me. I couldn't sleep at this moment right now and I still feel awake. Let me jot down few thoughts from my mind first. Maybe I've gone a bit far by interacting with a guy and I kept assuming these and those, well, you know.... Then, at some point, I felt the rush to spill out everything to let the rock out from the bottom of my heart. I don't care what that person is gonna think because I just couldn't take it anymore and I own a short temper. I might sound selfish for being inconsiderate with the person thoughts but I just couldn't care and take it anymore. What if year 2012 disasters is coming true? Nobody wants to live life regretful which at least, I found a chance to do something right. It's a new era of equality so maybe in some part, there's consideration that can be taken only to the current person I've interacted. "Heaven Forbid" is being played over and over again numerously, some sort of emotional part, I haven't read the lyrics yet but the melody is just enough to make me feel the emotions of the song. I recalled 'Heaven forbid you end up alone' which already made me question everything by taking account of needs and wants. 'Out of this one, I don't know how to get you'.... that ends everything with a hope. Argh, I think I am turning into emotional bitch. Alright. Emo bitch needs to sleep. Off to lala land soon. Au Revoir! A bientot!!!!!

Thanks for mind fuck, I spare some time here. Happy New Year all.

I'm seeing everyone's blog wishing Happy New Year, though it may sounds typical but yeah, Happy New Year. I wasn't really keen on this celebration so I'll just wait for the Chinese New Year one.

Anyways, I had New Year Eve's presents and a plentiful, let's just say they belong to vintage ones. Tonnes of vintage.

Then, first day of new year, experiencing severe headache due to excessive mind fucking shocks which prolong till today and for the coming days as well.

Again, I was feeling dead few days ago till caffeine came and resurrected me but trapped in the body of a zombie feeling. Funnily, the body that seems to be restless but the brain is still thirsty for sleep, so i guess the brain is actually working.

All I can say for now is MIND FUCK! Cursing has always been part of me when the anger is boiling. Definitely not pleasant being Mind Fuck severely. Thanks to FYP, I can kiss it goodbye.

New Year's resolutions:

Kick off procrastination

Sleep early

Wardrobe makeover

Live life Love life

I still fear but it takes a whole amount of courage to stand up

Hello? Hi? Hey?... tired of any typical announce-my-presence greetings. Sometimes, simple smile and head nodding will do. Ya know what I dislike, people shaking hands without sincere.

Anyways, for the past few days weren't any other ordinary good days for me. Once again, I've to undergo the same fear and the cowardly act. No, honestly, yeah. It's still feels unreal to be in fear again. Numerous of nightmare episodes that repeatedly haunting the mind.

It would be sick and irritating to continuously seeking for the same 'therapist' for some ala therapy talks. I can't help but I need comfort and trust-able 'pillow' for me to confess. Someday, somewhere, sometime when it occurs, I've to be facing it alone but when can I have the courage to face it?

My friend taught me to keep myself in the place I'm most comfortable with... I'm looking for a place like this, minimalist artistic.

Although I look as if alright and sleeping soundly in the midst of night, to be honest, I wasn't sleeping sweetly like everyone does. Best part is I don't shed tears for I'm braver than what I've thought.

Buddha, please bless and grant for a tiny peasant's wishes to be good for all.

Adore this look.

I love the bowtie

At times, I'm a bit lonely due to my shyness

Happy Holidays to MMU-ians.

While everyone go for holidays and hanging out with friends, I shall be the geek staying in completing assignments that needed to be done ASAP! Loneliness stalks in.

Tasks:

• All assignments including final year project.
• Getting my checklists done for a vacation.
• Visit dentist.
• More reading.
• PS 3.
• Exercise.
• Tuitions for replacements.

I can't wait for the mid month to come. Another best part of my life is about to be written. I hope that the best part may change me to be more courageous and tougher. I'm still wandering in the same circle, drawing thoughts.

The agony in me has prevailed my empty mind. I don't understand why I still insist to undergo the process of selecting, perhaps I was spoil with given choices around me. Opportunities are everywhere but why am I refusing to make a choice quick and fast? Most importantly accurate. I was torn between two choices and it created plentiful of chaos for all. Doesn't matter if it's selecting what to eat, what to drink, what to do. *sigh*

When one is taken away, the other will fight for it back. - Regrets.

Days go by- Dirty Vegas

So, I've been thinking a lot actually.

How's this?

What if one day a big massacre by begin their slaughters in the country in this era?

What will you do when the massacre days arrived?

I had these fantasies of living in New York long time ago and one day, I began picturing myself in Coney Island enjoying pastel pink cotton candy, hanging out in Coney Island till the sunsets, holding the LC-A camera snapping pictures I like, get a temporary tattoo from there and also getting ecstatics to hop onto all the rides like every other child in Coney Island.

All these moments were just like John Mayer's Clarity music video except I stayed dry in Coney Island.

Anybody wants to fly me to NYC?

*I've tried Fisheye Black 2 and toy camera is fun. It makes you feel spontaneous and lively again! Fun Fun Fun. Don't think, just shoot!!!!!!!

Thinking of owning one and then go around to be spontaneous.

December is coming and I'm falling in love again with Ingrid Michaelson's December Baby. The time has come. I'm content with what I've but not the time that was formed by the Universe.

*Sigh*

Bagai kacang dilupakan kulit or 狗咬吕洞宾，不识好人心.

The blog really looks dead. *Sigh*. It's been chaotic and lost with the time track, *hopefully* temporarily.

Bagai kacang dilupakan kulit or 狗咬吕洞宾，不识好人心.

Maybe I was being too kind or rather realistically naive.

Putting such hopes, hopes for a return ticket that's never gonna exist.

That's when the time of changes had proven you with your five senses.

People do change but some do change for good and some do change to worst.

Sincerity and truthfulness were almost non- existence at all.

Yet, we are still throwing away our kindness and sympathies to those who we've judged wrongly.

Even, if we stood up for them but cold shoulders is what they were transmitting to you.

One good deed may change their lives forever and they take it for granted.

When help seeks them, they cornered themselves to somewhere couldn't be found.

Even worst, we're feeling like a fool.

Being the kindest does not get one's good impression after all.

What's good for impression is what you've accomplish in glory so far.

That's when you'll be crowded with people that had never smiled at you before.

To begin with the cycle, I ask, what's the most important resources should helping to build up one's foundation?

Some are desperate attention seeker.

Some likes to provoke fire within themselves.

Some loves to play dual mask among themselves.

Some just couldn't stand alone.

Some just love to whine in another way of bragging.

Seriously, I'm fucking tired of all these and rather be gathering myself to become a social awkward before turning to the world.

Blissful dwell within..............

每当我打开面子书，幸福文章排排着等着大家看。

幸福，

在我脑海中有很多意思。但，我却看到的是情侣的幸福选择，如何做个好情侣和类似的文章。一看绝对是很有趣但越看越觉得那只是个大众的思想而当你们看了，点头了，认定了表示你们没主见。慢慢的融入这个大众化的思想。

虽然单身的我没有拥有个真正的历史，不过我很清楚什么是幸福。不必那么华丽，幻想，隆重都可以自足常乐。

当我喝我特制泡的饮料，坐着看蓝蓝的天空，不时有一群鸟儿飞，我都觉得很幸福。

当我吃我煮的早餐，坐着看电视，我都觉得幸福。

当我在听我下载的歌曲，不时就会傻傻的跳舞，我都觉得很幸福。

当我在看书，坐着，站着看，我都觉得很幸福。

当我在烘焙甜点，不时会很烦躁，我都觉得很幸福。

我的重点是无论你在做什么，突然来个自我放松感觉。。。其实它是叫我们所谓的幸福。

为什么一定要两个人才能发觉到幸福呢？

虽然我也渴望两个人的幸福是怎样。。。但，当一个人爱昏头，久而久之，他/她却忘了自己。

我只要高高兴兴，快快乐乐的享受人生。我。。。有这个能做得到吗？

Eat. Pray. Shit. Spend. Love.

Before I tuck in, I want to share something and it's called Eat Pray Love. Fuck noh, I'm not gonna write like her. FYI, I just dislike watching sentimental movies in cinema and I only go to cinema for surround sound system which concludes ACTION MOVIES. In the end, I only enjoyed the music scores and songs that was in the movie. FYI2, this movie, I wasn't looking forward to it.

Okayh, I watched the movie yesterday and honestly, this 2 hours plus movie is pacing fast. I still opt for the book instead of movie. It leaves me no memories from the scenes except the typical scenery view which I predicted.

This movie took away my initial motivation in search of balance but after I watched the movie, my search for balancing came first before the movie was released. I do sound like a spoiled brat, don't I? You must've been shock that I'm still searching for balance which totally explains why sometimes I secluded/isolated myself. Yet, don't you think I'm too young to look for balance?

Liz is fortunate you know and she's whining which she didn't realized that there are other unfortunate people out there. She already owned and pawned all the things to make her dream come true and she whined???

It still leaves me to sadness when I don't see myself achieving anything. But my theory is Eat. Pray. Spend. Shit. Love.

The author is consider pretty. I can't believe James Franco is inside the movie. He's hot alright but in the end, Julia Roberts goes with Javier Bardem. Luca Argentero who plays Liz's Italian translator is completely chilling my eyes, his smile had charmed me. Ahahaa. Real Italian okay!

late night talks

finally, i understand why models need to be skinny and tall. well, it's regardless how ridiculous the clothes were designed, it still looks stunning and gorgeous. nuff said. most importantly, a mannequin-like face is a must requirement for surviving in the modelling industry.

its official with my right hand on the mouse and the left hand learning to grip the drumstick properly. in the process of training my left hand's strength and coordination. it's tough yet it's the process of learning which i definitely enjoying beating drums. it's fucking awesome to listen to the sound of it especially when the rage is on the verge.

i had successfully baked coconut tarts and lemon coconut tarts which i fucking know how to do it. the next time, imma buying fresh cream and canned cherries or peaches for the shell tarts. how sinfully indulging can it gets, apart from eating chocolates la... i am lazy to do the photo editing and this sick phone camera of mine is getting blurry. all i have to do is improve my kneading skills for the tarts' mold.

Lemon Coconut Tarts

Coconut Tarts

it does look horrible but this is how homemade food looks like.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR NISAK!!!

Don't treat it as normal day but rather a PRINCESS DAY! You deserve it darling!

in terms of this and that, it no longer exist

I lied... I have problems settling down and I do have short span of attention, recently.. I think.

Today I wanna express my projections of impressions.

Somehow, I rather felt that I'm always being used and conned. Okay, maybe it's the way I treat them but I still believe there's no such thing as BEST FRIENDS. I would rather use CLOSE FRIENDS and somehow, betrayal happens anytime when the lust for desires get stronger.

I don't want to say much for I am a considerate person. Well, you all don't read anyways.

The answers to all these baloneys may reveal if I'm willing to find out.

Just go through all these can be a torture and mindfuck but the only thing you must do is to put on a different mask and colors (like chameleon) everyday with different type of people. As you get older, nobody wants to listen to your past unless you are Bill Gates. It's worthless for sharing for no one cares.

If it's you, then be you as long as you don't harm others. If it's not you, no matter how you tried to be different you, don't go for the efforts because that's not you. No one understand yourself other than yourself.

Nuff said. I don't intend to be emo but this is what I've been giving.

A note to me, you and everyone

Okayh,

I am in the midst of reporting my activities during interns and I came here by accident to express my fatigue of looking at the incomplete report.

Seriously, I want to go to my bedroom, continue reading my books and fall asleep yet the burden of this final piece before I'm officially lay to rest is bugging me. I can't believe the procrastination old habit has finally kicking in back again. It's 1am plus and I should be in the bed with my reading materials. Now, this explains why internet and computer can be harmful and addictive, physically and mentally. It also finally explains why I refused to read anymore books, thanks the information technology era.

Recently, I gave myself so much thoughts through cooking and realized that being immature at this age is not gonna standout oneself in the crowds. If you are still being subjected to your lost for your real desires and dreams, you are still lost. It's true.

If you are still being childish and immature while completing your chapters of life, I suggest you do not be in what you see peer pressure for you're not ready to take control of your life. That signals your readiness for leading your own life. You..... are just not ready.

Love yourself more than anyone else for no one else can do better than you do.

Nothing wrong for being emo, go sit at the corner and draw circles. Do as much thinking as you can. Life is short but let's not chase time, we shall miss everything if we keep chasing time. Be who you are and what you really are. Show the world how you can pull it off. The world is still at it's large, why worry?

Okayh,

I must get back to my fucking reporting.

Back when I isolated myself

Yes, I'm gonna be the homemaker for the weekends, if you're wondering, it's not cleaning but rather making the house more appealing with the five senses, I mean literally.

How do you like my world my to be? I love myself more than anyone cause my soul have been seeded into this physical body so I have the responsibility to pamper and care for myself with the appropriation of course. A definite of white and black.

It's been so long that I've not embed a video. This time around it's not really a video but a song instead. This really brought back my memories when I was a mildly isolated and needed this to heal thyself. Yuna's Ballad.

it's here

The dreamy offer of such treatment is already here but it doesn't belong to mine, neither yet nor now. I was given a free trial treatment offer in a such where I was being naive and foolish.

Now, I've to consider if I should or shouldn't grab for it as I wasn't sure of my level of commitments and what kind of returns I could harvest. I wouldn't dare to ask for more as long as it's a conditional return in a mutual way. Although the infatuations had been slowly built up but somewhere the journey to the peak is not as smooth as I expected, obstacles slowly rising. The offer could either reject or accept me for it needs to be mutual to harvest a fruitful results. Could it be the mind that's refusing to face the coming obstacles? Could it be the inabilities to ward off the obstacles refusing myself to continue racing to the peak?

Though every moment of staying in the peak will not last long, but I secretly wish it could last longer.

At times, I would secretly cry over my limited courage to go for the offer, which I ended up with sorrows and regrets, temporarily. I've fallen for the offer, could it be a scam? Do I need to step out of the offer game? Should I look for other offer? What if I couldn't find a better offer?

All these answers are definitely not absolute for we don't know what the future holds, the decisions are decided by us, with the determination, there shall be no regrets for what we had done.

Right now, I still need to consider the offer that's right now when the only thing I'm awaiting is the conditional reply. The fear is still there and everyone hates it.

let's all not be stupid to put all the eggs in a basket

So bloody fucking happy to receive a 3D football poster from my colleague. She's so thoughtful and gave me a Fernando Torres. Weeeee..........

Aku budak bahagia.

Today is such a jovial day with fucking bullshits and laughters to ease the pain of awaiting time.

Damn, it was such a frustration till I dropped the idea of making apricot/peach jam. The real frustration was ka-ching. Fucking annoyed by the limited capability I have.

These days, I'm still annoyed and irritated by the thoughts I had been mingling around and I should just wake up to live on. The earth owns a hugely terrifying diameter and I believe the world is still at it's large. Thus, there shouldn't be any particular reasons to keep me running in the same pace and falling for the hideous trap that will soon cause me to grieve over the regretted life I ever created.

Like I said before, let's all not be stupid to put all the eggs in a basket. It's totally true and the more we gently put the eggs in, the higher the possibility for those eggs to be crush by the hard cold floor. Ya get what i mean right?

For one moment, I realized that I'm actually a close person which means I hate dealings with big and unknown crowds. I'm only okay with one on one till five even with new friends. Not till the extent of being an invisible fellow right there, it scares the hell out of me. Sometimes, I do have crowds phobia and desperately wishing to go home.

IDK

My words always been constantly cut off which signifies I retain a small role in your heart@brain.

So, I have nothing much to say about myself.

If you like to draw my characteristics base on your thoughts, I say go ahead. I couldn't care less coz you're the person that I couldn't care less.

It's easy for me to determine how much important you are to me.

That's one of the purpose of me to set up blog coz I knew no one wants to listen so I write, in case you care and you are aware of my existence.

No point wasting my time and energy to do explanation. If you like it that way, like it la... if you don't like it then don't like lo.

I don't fucking give a damn.

*my FYP2 is still running at the same pace*

DIE

At times I began to do some self-pity to stay the way I am

So fatigue right now and I can't believe with myself that I'm still able to lift my fingers to go on typing this post.

*Sigh*

It's already July and I'm feeling pathetic for myself. Hours ago, I was browsing my friend's 21st celebration birthday party, I wasn't feeling anything at all. After couple of pictures, I began to self- pity. Honestly, my 21st celebration wasn't grand or memorable yet it was sufficient enough for me to be acknowledge there's people who actually care for me.

I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth so I don't feel deserve to hold any parties. Plus, it's not me. Then, I tried recalling back my friends and I only have a couple of them so it's not a really extreme excitement kind of party but a simple celebration. So, should I call myself pathetic or sad?

Pathetic cos I have a simple and small celebration

Sad cos I don't have much friends to celebrate together and is a lone ranger actually.

But to recall it again, it was a sigh of relief cos holding parties and inviting guests of known and unknown is totally out of me. I own a very poor attitude when serving guests.

As years go by, I began to feel my big day as normal day cos I don't feel special anymore though it's labor day but so what. It's another public holiday for me that's all.

************************************************************************************

Recently, I began to wonder if all the humans are the same. They play tricks to get what they yearn for and ditch you after they have successfully obtain it. It's the same and I've encounter so many of them especially men. I was too stupid to allow my kindness to befall onto their fucking shit traps. I never learn my lesson till I got a wake up call. Sangat sedih.

I told myself that I shall not repeat the bloody same mistake again. Nabeh! I've feelings too and we are both human so please treat each other nicely. We can be mutual and not for you being a parasite.

Time to spare for myself

I let some time to spare to rethink about my recent behaviors and attitudes:

* I've been cutting off people's sentences.

* I should pay more concern to those who are actually yearning for listeners.

* I should be stronger in constructing my determinations.

* I need to cut ties with my bad habits at the table.

* I should be more sensitive and thoughtful to people I care.

Spare Paul

Spain had obviously won the match against Germany.

Germans blame the octopus for giving away predictions of Spain's victory. The next day, Germans began resenting hatred towards Paul the octopus. Why blame the octopus?

The octopus is only giving predictions and not casting any spells or cursing it. Yet, people put the blame on the octopus by sending octopus into their tummy.

All these so called hatred sounds like a big joke to me. I only assume those who place their bets on Germans will eat the octopus cause they lost the money and thus, they want their bloody fucking revenge.

What's worst is that it annoys me to the extent of blogging about it. Paul is only giving away predictions!

Meanwhile, Singapore has parrot oracle lately and predicting Holland will win the World Cup. So, if Spain lost, the Spanish are going to eat the parrot?????

May the best team wins!

Not so wisdom after all

World Cup is coming to an end and to think about it, it actually kinda sad as the moment has come. THE END OF WORLD CUP. I've been waiting for so long to embrace the moment the champions of field holding the trophy with tears of joy.

I don't even want the World Cup to END, should have drag the whole event duration at most 2 months for everyone's satisfactions yearning for more.

Finally, they took down the billboard and World Cup is only coming to an end not already end. Why too early? Now, it demotivates me from everything, it's my source power every morning. Damn!

Mystery solved: Finally, I found the causes of the torment pain in my teeth each time I take food with sticky and sweet form.

This is how it happens:-

Once upon an evening, I was looking at the mirror examining my teeth, putting my fingers to check my teeth alignment (I've not put on my retainers for sometime) and lastly, I press my fingers on to my proud wisdom tooth. Goddamn, it hurts like shit! I can feel the vine of sensors are visible upon the eroded tooth. I even pick up some pieces of eroded tooth. My wisdom tooth that bears during my age of 16 and now, it gives me a big pain in the vines. I'm not so wise at all. My tooth!!!!

This explains:-

the pain each time I took a bite on sweet and sticky food but my wisdom tooth barely grow 1cm!!!!!!!!

Really fucking shit.

I've to admit, I've teeth problems ever since primary school and prolong till now. Argh... I couldn't even believe that I actually had to put on braces for one year and a half. My most troublesome part of body is my teeth. Ever since primary school, I've got many holes to be cement and each year my visit to the dentist is always without fail. Nabeh!

I've been drinking milk for calcium. It didn't help that much.

I've been eating lesser sugar. Still erode.

I need to sought dentist but it's already in a serious damage condition. What's worst it happens to be a tiny wisdom tooth and the pain is getting drastic.