I'm so tired

I sat down and write my essays. I was required to write for the criteria. What is my course and why do I choose it? It's so cynical I tell you. I smiled sarcastically thinking what can I spill. I thought for so long. Long enough to tear down the whole paper.

I want to spit out the stress that I've been suffering for quite long. Even my holidays, I can't concentrate on what I'm doing for my parents. I got criticised often and I broke my promises. Crucial promises. I don't know what's happening to me. My life seems to be shattered. I can't put on another mask anymore.

I'm willing to give up the position and disappear away. I rather stick to my original responsibilities. I don't want to waste my money anymore to ridiculous functions. I don't want to do another search for funds. It's my fault. All my fault to open the mouth to be recruit. I can't let another down to my parents anymore! It's sad to see their eyes looking at me that's filled with disappointments. From now onwards, I'm not going to do anything as I'm so tired. Because of this, I see changes and made changes but not for good. My daily routine seems to be in mishapes. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I'm selfish.

Let me walk away for a while. I want to live the way I want.