Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I 've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML
Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on msn when her roommate answered «Sorry, this is not Marie, she is at her boyfriend’s ». I've looked everywhere in my flat, I can’t find her. FML
Today, for the first time I had sex with my girlfriend, unfortunately afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I’m not sure she’ll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, thinking that I’m alone at work, I start rummaging through my nose trying to find something interesting.It’s only after about a minute that I notice that my boss is looking straight at me. FML
Today, I'm a French girl in England, and a cute boy asked me where I live exactly. When I told him Paris, he answered 'oh strange, I always thought parisians were the most beautiful women in the world'... FML
Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend, while a beautiful girl was looking at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want my girl to be upset, so I escaped to the bar. Later, I saw this girl kissing my girlfriend... Maybe I wasn't the one that she was looking at. FML
Today while I was out I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said smilingly “there’s something burning down there”. I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML
Today I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart". FML
Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone's trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I go onto my balcony and ask in a loud voice if everything's ok and if she needs anything. Her and her boyfriend shout back in unison: "We're fucking, go away". FML
Today, I was in India. At the airport, the men and women were being searched separately. The guy welcoming us pointed me towards the women's area. I had to explain to him that I was a guy. It took 15 minutes. FML
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML
Today, my first (and only true) date ended with the girl saying "Thanks for dinner, I was hungry - and oh, by the way, I'm a lesbian". FML
So much for the life.
No comments:
Post a Comment