Suicide

I saw and read an emotional post over a blog.

I can't help but it drag me to emotional today.

Now, I fully understand why people choose suicide to finish all those useless worries.

• They can't avoid any responsibility that don't belong to theirs.
• They are helpless.
• They just want to find easy way to their solace in other world.

For once, there could be anyone thought of suicide themselves from this (either you're gonna love it or hate it) world.

Shamelessly, I have thought of suicide before and that was during irrational situation. Nah.. I was searching for answers.

A) Die in an accident purposely. That way won't allow anyone to think of suicidal but an accident. You know, drive yourself to the restricted area or go the other way round of the road.

B) Hire assassin to kill yourself. Before that, please pay your assassin. That's a tough and dangerous job. Be humanity before you die.

Ways to suicide under pride when messing with people heads. However, suicide is not a way to get out of life. Once, Buddhism forbid suicide and the suicide ones won't be reincarnate into their next life. However, they will have to suffer in the hell with 'Buddha knows' how many levels. Your loved ones suffer in the reality world to endure all the memories that they had. It takes 7 years to let go of a person who passed away. So pitiful. That's what I call selfish for tormenting your loved ones. Happy Wesak Day to all the Buddhist.

Almost everyday I want to cry.

Almost every hour I feel like a foolish.

Almost every minute I feel useless.

Almost every second I cry for help but I'm helpless.

And this is what I endure almost every day of my life.

I'm not the only one that is emotional and I have companions. Honestly, that I am emotional almost everyday when one claims that I'm tough and cheerful. Unfortunately, I'm not and that doesn't mean I hate my life. It's myself being helpless when watching and encountering situations that I couldn't handle properly.

Previously, I got insulted and criticized not for the good but they are blind. Although, they apologized and I forgave them; however, I won't forget. All these unnecessary situations had made me changed my perception on that person again. I downgraded that person from friend to just colleague. I forgave but I won't forget. There is no sincerity and I felt being disrespectful. That whole time, I buried down my sorrows into my deep deep heart but as time goes by, I can't take it anymore. I did not received support so I decided to blurt part of it here. They can forgive easily except me. Hence, I said to myself,'so what, who the hell do you think you are? I don't give one bloody damn about this and you indeed don't deserve the respect from me neither should anyone.'

All my life till my second decades, I refuse to explain and elaborate further of my actions anymore. I'm too tired to explain when they refuse to listen and be stubborn. That made me became quiet person. I don't want to explain much anymore and I only want to speak what's right. I'm not blind and irrational.