Lullaby

Lullaby by daniellesustagen featuring Forever21 accessories

Ta-da... My very own design for my collection.

It's called Lullaby with sweet blues. It can be wore for beach (except the shoes), casual and anywhere.

May for cakes

This post is all about the Joy of May as May is my favorite month. :)

On the very D-Day from beloved family

Blueberry Cheesecake

Later, it's another D-Day from buddies and friends

Celebrated in McDonald and I was surprised that even the manager of that outlet came and celebrate with us. Plus, they even gave me a present with few cute plushy. Even manager is there to celebrate for me. I'm thankful for that surprise.


White Chocolate Cheese

Here comes the Mother's Day celebrations.

For Grandma


That little girl behind there is very cheeky. That's grandpa in shades.

Coconut Mousse Cake.
Very creamy and smooth.

Last but not least, cake for my mother.

Raspberry Cheese Cake.

Celebration for end of first degree year

Today mark the end of my first year of degree and hopefully that all of us did well for the year. After my very last paper, my girls and I went out for lunch-ing for a sweet celebration. YW definitely felt guilty due to the ride for Eye of Malaysia. No guilt and we are happy.

So, we headed to Melaka Raya for MG Restaurant (Moon's Garden), a vegetarian restaurant but with different concept of interior designing and menus which is quite modern.

Clockwise: YW(some tea that tasted like coffee, I'm not kidding), SL(Aloe Vera juice), Mine(Peppermint tea and I thought they have sugar in it) and SC(Mulbery leaves which she complained that it tasted sour)


While waiting for food...

YW's food came first. Some Japanese style of rice. *YW, you modeled well. LOL*


SC came in second and it's FORMOSA Mee. We laughed so hard at the name of the food.


SL's food, Cheese baked curry rice and the taste of it is delicious.

Mine. Mediteranean cheese baked pasta. Sayangnya they don't have sauce on it.


The Fork and Knife buddies

and we also have


The Chopsticks sisters

Feeding time from YW.. *clap clap*

To SC. She seems like shy shy.

To SL, so shocked to be fed by YW.

Wee... Fed by YW

This picture that you're about to see will draw you a confusion. Don't ask me why.


Candid by YW

I'm speechless

SC looks fierce when her smile isn't there.

This is how the menu looks like. The food and beverage menu are separated into two menus.


The design of the restaurant.

Originally, we wanted to continue our lunch moments with pretty and sounds-delicious desserts, however, our stomach was full so we ended up with a vow to come back for the pretty desserts.

Something unique regarding this restaurant is that it's food are healthy and delicious. Plus, it's all organic and reasonable.

To all MMU students, rock your holidays.

To my 'beloved' third parties

Here is to all the third parties who are clueless about everything,

You all better not involve before you regret! If you do not know the beginning and climax of the things that happened, please do not involve yourself into it. I dislike third parties and don't mess with my head or I shall break your head. If you have read this and ignore my notice and still wants to involve yourself, I say go ahead and be careful.

Somehow, I want to 'thank' those third parties for making my very prize possession (blog) 'famous'.

Lastly, to the sHE- Bitch, please act like a man and not twist your words front and back. You're not the only one who have brain, we know how to judge. I appreciate what you've done for YourSELF, however, you still don't deserve my respect until I truly see it. Don't make me curse you. Don't misuse your powers to come and threaten my soul for my soul will not be shatter for a cheap person like you. For months, I have suffered and you only felt it for days. I don't give a damn for a person like you, you are not worth.

Songs' abstract

It's 12 am and as the time elapse, the feelings had snowball-ed. The feeling of incapability and useless had stroked upon my head which leads me to the tendency of abandoning my books. There's only one more subject left, it's hard to continue the survival of determination. No matter how much I tell myself about 'going on', I still have to portray it together with the song 'You found me'. Who has found me?

"You Found Me" It's about the disappointment, the heart ache, the let down that comes with life. Sometimes you’re let down, sometimes you’re the one who lets someone else down. It gets hard to know who you can trust, who you can count on. This song came out of a tough time, and I’m still right in the thick of it. There’s some difficult circumstances my family and friends have been going through over the past year or so and can be overwhelming. It wears on me. It demands so much of my faith to keep believing, keep hoping in the unseen. Sometimes the tunnel has a light at the end, but usually they just look black as night. This song is about that feeling, and the hope that I still have, buried deep in my chest,' said by the lead singer of The Fray.

Slade says that the lyrics for "You Found Me" were written two and a half years ago, and that the song asks about the problem of evil, why bad things happen to good people, after some of their friends and family went through very tough times.

It's so painfully dead but I managed to overcome it within minutes.

There is this song from Incubus and I've got to say that their lyrics are artistic. If you have listened to the song 'Wish you were here' and 'Anna Molly', you'll understand the meaning of my artistic.

In Anna Molly, there is this part where 'A cloud hangs over and mute my happiness', 'wish you were here, I'm a wounded satellite' and so on.

Then, I noticed another song, 'Love Hurts'. Overall, it ain't that bad after all. Brandon Boyd expressed that the song is almost a little bit of a cliché. It is talking about the idea of love and find love and having it be purity and having it not be tainted by your misperceptions, misconceptions, expectations and transcending the sort of more worldly aspects of the love experience.

Wacko Jacko and Meiko

This song is just darn cute. Get the lyrics and those who are feeling doubtful and complicated (and you know what I mean), it's perfect for yo'll!



To Jacko's mania, can anyone tell me where to find the original music video for this song 'Dangerous'? I can't find it in YOUTUBE! Please pay attention to each details of his legs movement. Stunning, even his backup dancers boleh kalah sama dia. LOL. The video I'm about to present is Live in Munich and I guess his age is probably around 30 plus. Peh, even the young pun boleh kalah sama dia. He has the swiftest legs ever. Recently, the news announced that this pak cik is diagnosed with skin cancer. The day has come just like the day his nose came off. LOL! I love his dance steps, they are just breathtaking.

Me, myself and I

I haven't been updating my thoughts and words recently. Does anyone missed me?

I'm seeing evolutions everyday and it's kind of making me like a fool. I hate being a fool when I feel like I've being used. Being Punk'd is ok but being use is definitely a fool. It really pisses me of as people are taking things for granted just to get what they want. Well, that's something I have to get use to it instead of complaining as let's use the art of war. That's the REAL REAL world out there. University life is a step for all the students to uncover the true self and mask of every individual.

Now, I fully understand the meaning of 'Get close to your enemy' despite my reluctancy of 'shaking hands' with them. Sometimes, I wonder, why do people still being friendly to their rivals? I understand.

However, there's one thing particular I don't pretty understand is that when you talk bad things behind the one you truly find it obnoxious, then, you get pretty along with them quite well? Why is it so? Honestly, if it's me, I won't get along well with them and my usual temper would provoke debate and conflict. That's me. I can't afford to be hypocrites and that just sound so fake. I'll have to deal with my behavior later.

Now, I know my personality sounds bland and the moment I start talking, I drown people to sleep yet, it gets fun when I'm in an argument. It's not about low self esteem but it's the way I live with myself. Meanwhile, in a group I don't pretty standout that much which I tend to move away and go invisible. Hahaha... However, when it comes to one on one, you will see me going cuckoo. Finally, I know how to draw my very own line! Wee...

By the way, these days I'm lack of inspirations for more pictures but I won't give up.

Listening to Over My Head- The Fray

Boleh Mati Cepat

Oh wow! The paper that I felt relieved after sitting it. It's nonetheless than BMC (Managerial Communication@Boleh Mati Cepat).

Honestly, I thought I could just answer them like *snap*, who knew it turn out far beyond my expectations. Those questions are just... RIDICULOUS. Ok.. maybe I'm not that flexible, obviously. Well, I had trouble of recalling back whatever I had memorized and at the same time, I was panic. Ugh.

Although I must thankfully that there are no definitions questions yet, it's still ridiculous. A long passage was given and they required us to answer whatever we have learn. Now, tell me... this is the case study and there are no hints given. Oh yes, the only hints given is formats for paper reports.

Let me briefly tell you this 'sweet' subject.

Throughout the semester, BMC is something that you'll enjoy the most for the coursework. Yes, only talking, presentation and one report to do. However, as you attend the lecture, you might find that it's irrelevant in your major yet this subject is counted in the GPA. Chapters that I find it even ridiculous was learning how to open a meeting, how to talk, how to listen, how to develop presentation slides and so on. Now, I know it's important that we'll be using it in the future but it's really way too much. Factors to be consider and so on. Why not teach us how to deal with bosses in an organization?

All my answers that I delivered inside the answer sheet was barely from whatever I have memorized (I have to endure painfully dizziness and headaches). I have turned all it into essays. English essays. Wow... something that I find it crap enough. It sucked. As I left from the venue, I can hear people complaining how irrelevant the paper is and how did they do it. I felt relieved at least, I'm not the only one which I initially thought I was and panic.

Previously, I had received tips from my friends and I had met my lecturer. My lecturer had given me tips too. Yet, I still don't know how to use it and I have to conclude that the tips=no tips. Before that, he gave me the 'padan muka' look for not attending the class (which was held at night and I had 2 consecutive night classes, I'm tired). He bragged that how wonderful the night class was and how students kept asking him about the questions. You win DR. At least, he gave me tips yet I'm still useless.

I don't know what to say and I was right after all for being selamba towards that subject. I'm not worried but panicked for it. Once reading the questions and I was stunned for half an hour. Believe me. 30 minutes of staring the questions, scolding myself. All I can hope for is my paper do not fail too badly and hopefully my essays does help. Haha...

To be honest, I don't really have much time to finish that subject but I have to blame myself for long procrastination and loitter around the house. Seriously, I thought how tough it can be? But I was wrong. Definite wrong. So people, take my words, study everything and they are equally important. I learned my lesson, use time preciously.

I shall pray everyday to my deity for blessing my CGPA to be maintain. I'll burn many incense for my deities. Okie... Get back for my last 2 papers. Wish me luck.

The worst painter of my life!

Currently, my world is 'colorful' but ugly colorful as I found the worst painter in my whole life. Let it be the memories throughout the life and smile at the stupid colors that was once painted.

Well, it's nonetheless the He-Bitch. Beware. I finally found out who I can find and be called He-Bitch or sHE- Bitch. He is so obnoxious till everyone around him begin to despise him. Despite that all this while he showed disrespect and 'openness' behind one's back. That's what only cowards do and I hate the fact that he loves to claim credits. I am not claiming that I love to claim credits, in fact, I find it shameful. However, the way he claims credits as though everyone is invisible. He constantly step us terribly with all his thorny words. Somehow, I don't really care anymore whatever he said. Let the karma do the work.

I had shouted back at him. Shouted huh? Yup. I scolded back with few words as spitting out more words is actually kind of wasting my time. That 'small people' did not interfere my original personality after all. Eventually, he spreaded his words all around to other people even to my closest ones. Yet, he still thinks I'm stupid. He misuse them just to get me informed. I felt insulted and disrespect by his acts. Well, I have to play dumb just to hide the real identity. I know all his strategies to get me down but sorry to say, he failed. I don't care. The fire in me did not put out by all his apologization and I only forgive for one matter.

Talking behind my back and putting the blame on others, now, my dear audiences, is that an act of a coward? My POV is YES. I can confront with all the hates and loves of words and sHE- Bitch decided to use the backstabbing way. Thank goodness I have my closest ones to back me up. Thanks. Every single of his words can't be trusted at all. Out of 10 words, None of them can be listened. It's fake. I felt it and he can felt it too. One thing amusing was he based on his feelings a lot and if he can use it, so do I. His sincerity is insincere and I can sense it. If he is true to a friend, he will not backstab and how funny when he kept explaining to me that he was trying to retain the friendship. Yeah right. So much for a friend. "THANK YOU VERY MUCH, PAL!"

He is the kind of person you'll never want to work for, Never. It's harsh but his words are even harsh. He is mean with his dark sides when I say he is, He really is. Don't judge him by his petite body but his evil intentions is bigger than his body. I must say, there are many people agree with me. He is not related to me so I can pissed him off. So what if the whole world are blind to see the dark side of him? As long as my closest ones understand me fully and back me up. That's all matter.

He stepped my tail and he had gone beyond the point. I won't forget who stepped my tail. Don't mess with my boiling point or else bad things are coming around yo you. Just wait and see sHE- Bitch. He can shout and yell at anyone but not me with his stupid reasons!

Call me mad? think again.

So many thoughts had conquered my concentration which I failed to sit down and stay still quietly. I have to constantly disturb Genius and Cutie Lim just to get rid of those thoughts. Part of me is zombie in the day and vampire at the night. Part of me is ghostly at the day and human at the night. Part of my mind is half empty during the day, the other part is half full during the night. It is me.

This morning while I was searching for my sit number in the exam venue (glad that I was the very last person of the venue. Very last!) I passed by a friend's table and he greeted me mad girl. As usual, I have this habit of making mimic faces for responses. Well, I looked back at him and give him the look "I don't care". So much for a mad girl. Pfft. I don't even care. As long as I'm sane and is clear what I want, that's it. I smiled and walked towards my sit.

Honestly, I'm very conscious of what people think about me whether I should put my hair clip this way or should I sit properly. That was long time ago. Now, I don't care what they call me anymore as I knew myself better than they do.

I can't blame them for calling and labeling people as I do too. Besides, if they call names on me, I don't have the rights to stop them legally. It's their mouth and mind which leads them to those kind of acts. Let them be. The karma is watching all of us and waiting for it's time.

Anyways, I have this anticipating feeling but I'm clueless what am I going to anticipate?

Quotes from Oscar Wilde

Quotes to ponder from Oscar Wilde. A witty English man.

1. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
2. Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
3. Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
4. Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
5. It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
6. One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
7. Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
8. When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.
9. I can resist anything but temptation.
10. Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

Brava!

Literally, we can!

Alright, cheers or not, let's face it. Malaysia is the first country of SEA(I think) to be mushroom with swine flu case. So much for survival in SEA. According to the resources that 21-year-old student who returned from the United States on Wednesday morning is the carrier. 'Malaysia Boleh'. Final words- Take care.

Everyday when I come across to the international section of the daily newspaper that I read, there will be the tally table. There are no sports or major games (except football) yet, tally appears as though it's something to be proud when it's not. This tally is counting cases of A(H1N1) flu from all over the world. The horizontal- countries, number of cases, number of suspected cases. The vertical- countries' names. I find it quite eye catching as even diseases have tally table. Remember the SARS? They have it too but not all over the world. I find it quite handy just to look at the numbers to see which country is overtaking which country daily. The whole concept is totally vice versa from the sports tally.

Now, I guess Malaysia will have it's name to be in the table. Wow... nothing to be proud at all. It's an epidemic that's terrifying the whole world right now. Just take care.

My studies aren't progressing which I could point my fingers to... everything. Literally, EVERYTHING! I'm obnoxious, am I?

She's fire burning, fire burning the dance floor.... Somebody call 911!

Everything seems easy... NOT.

Can't get hold of these anymore. Burn those papers or to be eco- friendly, sell it to the old newspaper. Let's wish all those details are at each of my fingertips with effortless of storing them into those limited capacity of storage. What's the matter? Environment, peer pressure, lack of motivation, no determination???

Everything seems easy... NOT.

Let's all hold hands and stare at the bonfire (paperburningtotheextremethatcreatesbonfire). :D

o amor é grande com dor

Adeus,
Boa noite,
Com amor
Danielle
xoxoxo

Fooling my crucial days which is barely a week left! Eeks!

This is so mentally sick! The days had been long gone and the real question is How to sit down and study seriously without layan-ing all the distractions around me? I hate this current situation which made me thought that I should have well- trained myself to be even more discipline. Oh boy, fooling days should be long gone yet, I just can't sit still and love those books and notes. WHY?

Previously, I can sit down and study whole day long (that's 3 days before the paper) but 6 six tough subjects to sit for in the exam is really tormenting my soul. Plus, I've barely a week left.

I really need discipline to get away from those entertainments which I can see it right in front of my eyes (including this computer right now.) This is bad, real bad and I just hope bad karma doesn't falls on me. I'll be delighted if I can actually stay away from all these baloney gadgets for a day. JUST A DAY for goodness sake. Stop whining and complaining. Get things done right away.

Right, it's late. Time for lala land.

Auf Wiedersehen
Gute Nacht

mit Liebe
Danielle
xoxoxo

Paranoid but it's fatal

Meningitis had attacked Malacca, *sigh*. So much for the safety zone in South East Asia. It's destined that the whole world have to suffer those epidemics. Could it be God's punishment towards humans?

I was so paranoid in the inside while I remained calm physically this morning when the newspaper had it at headlines. Meningitis, what's the causes that triggered the panic button of Malaysians, to be precise, Malaccans? The clean freak side of me had appeared and I'm still feeling so clueless. This is my second time Googled Meningitis and I kept scrolling up and down to look for symptoms, causes, treatments and preventions.

Meningitis is an inflammation of the meninges, the membranes that cover the brain and spinal cord. It is usually caused by bacteria or viruses, but it can also be caused by certain medications or illnesses.

Bacterial meningitis is rare, but is usually serious and can be life-threatening if it's not treated right away. Viral meningitis (also called aseptic meningitis) is relatively common and far less serious. It often remains undiagnosed because its symptoms can be similar to those of the common flu.

Kids of any age can get meningitis, but because it can be easily spread between people living in close quarters, teens, college students, and boarding-school students are at higher risk for infection.

If dealt with promptly, meningitis can be treated successfully. So it's important to get routine vaccinations, know the signs of meningitis, and if you suspect that your child has the illness, seek medical care right away.

Causes of Meningitis

Many of the bacteria and viruses that cause meningitis are fairly common and are typically associated with other routine illnesses. Bacteria and viruses that infect the skin, urinary system, gastrointestinal or respiratory tract can spread by the bloodstream to the meninges through cerebrospinal fluid, the fluid that circulates in and around the spinal cord.

In some cases of bacterial meningitis, the bacteria spread to the meninges from a severe head trauma or a severe local infection, such as a serious ear infection (otitis media) or nasal sinus infection (sinusitis).

Many different types of bacteria can cause bacterial meningitis. In newborns, the most common causes are Group B streptococcus, Escherichia coli, and Listeria monocytogenes. In older kids, Streptococcus pneumoniae (pneumococcus) and Neisseria meningitidis (meningococcus) are more often the causes.

Another bacteria, Haemophilus influenza type b (Hib), can also cause the illness but because of widespread childhood immunization, these cases are now rarer.

Similarly, many different viruses can lead to viral meningitis, including enteroviruses (such as coxsackievirus, poliovirus, and hepatitis A) and the herpesvirus.

Symptoms of Meningitis

The symptoms of meningitis vary and depend both on the age of the child and on the cause of the infection. Because the flu-like symptoms can be similar in both types of meningitis, particularly in the early stages, and bacterial meningitis can be very serious, it's important to quickly diagnose an infection.

The first symptoms of bacterial or viral meningitis can come on quickly or surface several days after a child has had a cold and runny nose, diarrhea and vomiting, or other signs of an infection. Common symptoms include:

• fever
• lethargy (decreased consciousness)
• irritability
• headache
• photophobia (eye sensitivity to light)
• stiff neck
• skin rashes
• seizures

Infants with meningitis may not have those symptoms, and might simply be extremely irritable, lethargic, or have a fever. They may be difficult to comfort, even when they are picked up and rocked.

Other symptoms of meningitis in infants can include:

• jaundice (a yellowish tint to the skin)
• stiffness of the body and neck (neck rigidity)
• fever or lower-than-normal temperature
• poor feeding
• a weak suck
• a high-pitched cry
• bulging fontanelles (the soft spot at the top/front of the baby's skull)

Viral meningitis tends to cause flu-like symptoms, such as fever and runny nose, and may be so mild that the illness goes undiagnosed. Most cases of viral meningitis resolve completely within 7 to 10 days, without any complications or need for treatment.

Treatment

Because bacterial meningitis can be so serious, if you suspect that your child has any form of meningitis, it's important to see the doctor right away.

If the doctor suspects meningitis, he or she will order laboratory tests to help make the diagnosis. The tests will likely include a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) to collect a sample of spinal fluid. This test will show any signs of inflammation, and whether a virus or bacteria is causing the infection.

A child who has viral meningitis may be hospitalized, although some kids are allowed to recover at home if they are not too ill. Treatment, including rest, fluids, and over-the-counter pain medication, is given to relieve symptoms.

If bacterial meningitis is diagnosed — or even suspected — doctors will start intravenous (IV) antibiotics as soon as possible. Fluids may be given to replace those lost to fever, sweating, vomiting, and poor appetite, and corticosteroids may help reduce inflammation of the meninges, depending on the cause of the disease.

Complications of bacterial meningitis can require additional treatment. For example, anticonvulsants might be given for seizures. If a child develops shock or low blood pressure, additional IV fluids and certain medications may be given to increase blood pressure. Some kids may need supplemental oxygen or mechanical ventilation if they have difficulty breathing.

Some patients who have had meningitis may require longer follow-up. One of the most common problems resulting from bacterial meningitis is impaired hearing, and kids who've had bacterial meningitis should have a hearing test following their recovery.

The complications of bacterial meningitis can be severe and include neurological problems such as hearing loss, visual impairment, seizures, and learning disabilities. The heart, kidneys, and adrenal glands also may be affected. Although some kids develop long-lasting neurological problems, most who receive prompt diagnosis and treatment recover fully.

How Does Meningitis Spread?

Most cases of meningitis — both viral and bacterial — result from infections that are contagious, spread via tiny drops of fluid from the throat and nose of someone who is infected. The drops may become airborne when the person coughs, laughs, talks, or sneezes. They then can infect others when people breathe them in or touch the drops and then touch their own noses or mouths.

Sharing food, drinking glasses, eating utensils, tissues, or towels all can transmit infection as well. Some infectious organisms can spread through a person's stool, and someone who comes in contact with the stool — such as a child in day care — may contract the infection.

The infections most often spread between people who are in close contact, such as those who live together or people who are exposed by kissing or sharing eating utensils. Casual contact at school or work with someone who has one of these infections usually will not transmit the infectious agent.

Prevention

Routine immunization can go a long way toward preventing meningitis. The vaccines against Hib, measles, mumps, polio, meningococcus, and pneumococcus can protect against meningitis caused by these microorganisms. Some high-risk children also should be immunized against certain other types of pneumococcus.

Doctors now recommend that kids who are 11 years old get vaccinated for meningococcal disease, a serious bacterial infection that can lead to meningitis. The vaccine is called quadrivalent meningococcal vaccine, or MCV4. Children who have not had the vaccine and are over 11 years old should also be immunized, particularly if they're going to college, boarding school, camp, or other settings where they are going to be living in close quarters with others. This vaccine may also be recommended for people who are traveling to countries where meningitis is more common.

Many of the bacteria and viruses that are responsible for meningitis are fairly common. Good hygiene is an important way to prevent any infection. Encourage kids to wash their hands thoroughly and often, particularly before eating and after using the bathroom. Avoiding close contact with someone who is obviously ill and not sharing food, drinks, or eating utensils can help halt the spread of germs as well.

In certain cases, doctors may decide to give antibiotics to anyone who has been in close contact with the person who is ill to help prevent additional cases of illness.

When to Call the Doctor

Seek medical attention immediately if you suspect your child has meningitis or if your child exhibits symptoms such as vomiting, headache, lethargy or confusion, neck stiffness, rash, and fever. Infants who have fever, irritability, poor feeding, and lethargy should also be assessed by a doctor right away.

If your child has had contact with someone who has meningitis (for example, in a child-care center or a college dorm), call your doctor to ask whether preventive medication is recommended.

I have to admit that this whole 'copy and paste' thingy was from the websites meant for parents with infants and kids. However, after due to long hours of squinting and scanning those information, both kids and adults have the common symptoms, treatments and yada yada yada.

I'm really paranoid of the infections that could be diagnosed by me 0r anyone else relatively close to me. Yikes... it happened in Melaka Tengah and what are the possibilities? Please do not apply 'Nothing is impossible' at this time around. It's no joke but fatal. Am I worrying too much?

This song released at the right time. Kanye West- Paranoid. It's for me by the way.

Suicide

I saw and read an emotional post over a blog.

I can't help but it drag me to emotional today.

Now, I fully understand why people choose suicide to finish all those useless worries.

• They can't avoid any responsibility that don't belong to theirs.
• They are helpless.
• They just want to find easy way to their solace in other world.

For once, there could be anyone thought of suicide themselves from this (either you're gonna love it or hate it) world.

Shamelessly, I have thought of suicide before and that was during irrational situation. Nah.. I was searching for answers.

A) Die in an accident purposely. That way won't allow anyone to think of suicidal but an accident. You know, drive yourself to the restricted area or go the other way round of the road.

B) Hire assassin to kill yourself. Before that, please pay your assassin. That's a tough and dangerous job. Be humanity before you die.

Ways to suicide under pride when messing with people heads. However, suicide is not a way to get out of life. Once, Buddhism forbid suicide and the suicide ones won't be reincarnate into their next life. However, they will have to suffer in the hell with 'Buddha knows' how many levels. Your loved ones suffer in the reality world to endure all the memories that they had. It takes 7 years to let go of a person who passed away. So pitiful. That's what I call selfish for tormenting your loved ones. Happy Wesak Day to all the Buddhist.

Almost everyday I want to cry.

Almost every hour I feel like a foolish.

Almost every minute I feel useless.

Almost every second I cry for help but I'm helpless.

And this is what I endure almost every day of my life.

I'm not the only one that is emotional and I have companions. Honestly, that I am emotional almost everyday when one claims that I'm tough and cheerful. Unfortunately, I'm not and that doesn't mean I hate my life. It's myself being helpless when watching and encountering situations that I couldn't handle properly.

Previously, I got insulted and criticized not for the good but they are blind. Although, they apologized and I forgave them; however, I won't forget. All these unnecessary situations had made me changed my perception on that person again. I downgraded that person from friend to just colleague. I forgave but I won't forget. There is no sincerity and I felt being disrespectful. That whole time, I buried down my sorrows into my deep deep heart but as time goes by, I can't take it anymore. I did not received support so I decided to blurt part of it here. They can forgive easily except me. Hence, I said to myself,'so what, who the hell do you think you are? I don't give one bloody damn about this and you indeed don't deserve the respect from me neither should anyone.'

All my life till my second decades, I refuse to explain and elaborate further of my actions anymore. I'm too tired to explain when they refuse to listen and be stubborn. That made me became quiet person. I don't want to explain much anymore and I only want to speak what's right. I'm not blind and irrational.

I wish for Neon

I love this but I wish for Neon the next time. Talented guitarist.

Get me anything to kill my mind or soul.

Guns or knives

Shoot and chop the mind for a while

Graceful dancer who falls

Can the graceful dancer drops her tears everyday?

All such bad performances, could it be her mistakes due to unavoidable obstacles?

She has barely ten audiences to cheer for her performances.

Nobody watched her practices and cheered the diligent dancer.

Rumors, gossips, untrue news

Had this made her fall from her stage?

What could it be?

Stay strong dancer, stay strong.

Hydrangea

Hydrangea drops her dew everyday

She can't afford to drop her petals

But, life is short

Although Hydrangea blooms beautifully

Yet, the nature of life,

Fade and die as time goes by

She's too age for holding everything,

It's beautiful to be adore

At the same time, it's petals are hazardous

Hydrangea just wants to drop her dews.

She is too despair to be adore.

Leo doesn't know he is called Leo.

Another abstract name from me.

A name not to be known for good.

It resembles him enough.

Randomly

Oh shoots. Recently, Danielle had popped her own philosophies. A few, which is enough to gather some thoughts. I am quite unsure if it's true but it occurs to everyone else too.

Sometimes we need people around us to constantly remind us on our actions and behaviors when we can't define and portray ourselves anymore.

This is true. When we get carried away with our comfortable zone, we tend to change not for the good but for the bad as we want more. So, it's crucial for loved ones to remind us constantly and do say thank you for that reminder. It might hurts but it might change us for good.

Let the memories unearth itself when you're in sadness.

When you're sad, one thing lead to another. So, if you lead to the happiness, your mood switch and everything switch. The memories unearth itself for a positive side.


Ok.. only two.

Well, I discover another thing. The word 'Gal' (how I really don't like people to call me that in MSN).

That "Gal" does not sound good. Come on... Here is the history of the word.

The word Gal has been used since the 80s in Japan to describe a girl who likes trendy clothing. Ko Gal was first used in the 90s by the media to describe an eighth grader who made $4000 a month for paid dating with middle aged men.

Now, for guys, please use this word appropriately.

Thanks to SL for a night

Oh... wonderful night. Thanks to SL... Great night. Scrumptious dinner. Beautiful Fireworks.

Stupidity repeats. The existence of camera phone did not exist in my mind. Argh.... Such advance technology seems to be useless when it is under my hand. Stupid.

Damn it. Leo's thoughts are such distraction that continuously drown the whole spirit. Damn you! haha... But I overcame it. He thought me how to leave things aside and life still goes on with a limit.

My very own D-Day

Oh the day that I found the world had gone. Now, a day older and feeling older. *Shaking head* No way. Recollecting the past and it was like... bland. Nothing to be recollect.

Yesterday, I took the privilege to be the princess of the house but with limits otherwise, I might get my head chop off. Haha... I planned to study but I failed, perhaps the over-privilege that I received??? haha... I ended up lazing around with the YouTube and ANTM. I just don't know why I keep on watching it. It's like a magent that pulls me back everytime.

Nothing much... Life still goes on like I've said. Simple celebration will do despite all the hectics in the daily basis that had brought massive almost disorder to me. Ughh...

Hence, I wanna express my gratitude to them. (I know it's just only wishes but they mean a lot to me). It's all about sincerity and that matters to me.

I wanna say a big big big THANK YOU to:

My beloved family, Aunt Kelly and her family(I love the purple shawl), my lecturer (Mdm. Chin), Leo (mistakenly thought my day was a day earlier)

My buddies: SL, SC and YW (ada hati sudah)

My old pals: Susu (Great news! *scream*), Rachel, Lingli (thanks for the repetition, you know what I mean), Jolene, Nisha, Chea Hong, Nicole , Nisak, Wan, Nik, Meera, Nazura, Sabrina, Geetha

My unimates: BH, Jacqueline, Lee Ern Rou, Abud (despite all the annoyance in the class), Jonathan, Kimirockz, Xavier, Kheng Leong, Jason Cheah, Yew Meng, HS (YW's boyfriend), Syamala, Irene, Corey, Ameer, Cindy Lee, Jye Wann, Shahanim, Ken, Derryck, Raymond (my sifu.. haha), Joyce

My NS friends: LiWen, Wency, Wan Yuen, Chris, Danny

Thank you people. Any more entries? hehe...

Swine Influenzaaa

Swine Influenza, the latest epidemic that everyone around the world are fearing. The press said that the way it spreads is faster than SARS. Hmm.. who could have thought about it. It spread around the world so fast that could be declare as emergency stage. (Go and find WHO for more details). School disclosure, Here, I was wondering there are so many people traveling to Mexico for holidays. Hmmm.... Ok, maybe Southern part of USA. Wow.. so far Europe countries had cases already but minor ones. Even Japan and Korea has it too. Luckily, people in Southeast Asia don't really travel to Mexico, perhaps the airtickets are expensive??? Haha... the weather there is hot too, shouldn't virus be destroyed when the weather is hot???

Media had taught us how to be precautios of swine flu. One of the ways caught me in surprised. Ok.. maybe that's the daily basis most of us do it which is non other that washing hands. Yea, washing hands regularly with soap or hot water to avoid the virus. Balance diet and healthy lifestyle. That is the most basic for prolonging our life. Haha... Do not contact those who are sick as in body contact. Wear mask. I wouldn't say avoid eating porks but avoid those porks from the origins which are USA and Mexico. Although, there are antiviral drugs but due to the demand that we have learned in economics, the price might soar till mad. Perhaps, WHO will provide those medicines. Yet, you still don't know the scarcity of it, just take care of yourself. Vaccine is still in the process. The Chinese herbalist had gave prescriptions of chinese medicine to ward off those viruses. *Raising eyebrows*

The symptoms that I found from the media was usual sickness like everyone is falling sick. Fever, sore throat, cough, diarrhea, vomitting, headache... you know what, it's like a whole package that the normal sickness that you have encounter before. They attacked all at one shot and you're there to suffer and dealing with it. Consult doctor alright? The facts stated that the virus is spread through airborne and it's usually human-to-human. Not direct contact with PORKS. To those who have a pork as a pet, it's a good news.

All in all let's be cautios about the virus at the time being. Cleanliness is essential at this time and all the while. When you sneeze or cough, please cover your mouth or stay away when anyone does that. You won't know if they just came back from the place *Kukarahca, aiya caramba* or USA.

Overall, just take care and avoid traveling to those countries which are affected especially Southern part of USA and Mexico. Let Southeast Asia be the survivors.. Haha... new epidemic happens all the time. Next epidemic... mind guessing?

Lacking

Life still goes on. The world and time doesn't stop and never stop for anyone before. It's only our heart that stops that leave the world. Hence, life is short, always short. What happens next is hard to predict unless you have sixth sense. Ah hell... what am I talking about???

Anyways, I'm lack of inspiration and motivation. Discourage. Questioning.

Zombie-ing days again.

By the way, Cycle 12 episode stop till episode 11. Now, I move to Cycle 4. (Naima the mohawk, she rocks)

Latest addictives-ANTM

Currently, I am addicted to America's Next Top Model and currently on the latest cycle, Cycle 12. Wee.. Initially, I was watching Survivor Gabon.. then ANTM hit on my mind. Haha... There is bitchfest and catfights and that broaden my eyes. Haha... So typical of girls but they get along fine afterwards.