At times I began to do some self-pity to stay the way I am

So fatigue right now and I can't believe with myself that I'm still able to lift my fingers to go on typing this post.

*Sigh*

It's already July and I'm feeling pathetic for myself. Hours ago, I was browsing my friend's 21st celebration birthday party, I wasn't feeling anything at all. After couple of pictures, I began to self- pity. Honestly, my 21st celebration wasn't grand or memorable yet it was sufficient enough for me to be acknowledge there's people who actually care for me.

I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth so I don't feel deserve to hold any parties. Plus, it's not me. Then, I tried recalling back my friends and I only have a couple of them so it's not a really extreme excitement kind of party but a simple celebration. So, should I call myself pathetic or sad?

Pathetic cos I have a simple and small celebration

Sad cos I don't have much friends to celebrate together and is a lone ranger actually.

But to recall it again, it was a sigh of relief cos holding parties and inviting guests of known and unknown is totally out of me. I own a very poor attitude when serving guests.

As years go by, I began to feel my big day as normal day cos I don't feel special anymore though it's labor day but so what. It's another public holiday for me that's all.

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Recently, I began to wonder if all the humans are the same. They play tricks to get what they yearn for and ditch you after they have successfully obtain it. It's the same and I've encounter so many of them especially men. I was too stupid to allow my kindness to befall onto their fucking shit traps. I never learn my lesson till I got a wake up call. Sangat sedih.

I told myself that I shall not repeat the bloody same mistake again. Nabeh! I've feelings too and we are both human so please treat each other nicely. We can be mutual and not for you being a parasite.