Who do i turn to in times of emptiness?

Life at this moment is lifeless.

rocketeer

in a world of madness when every thoughts of mine flowed out. still, i'm at my best condition to stay conscious for i fear for fall. i wish to pawn all i see. what would you see in the world of mist?

* i don't usually take pictures of myself but yeah... i've nothing best to do. thanks to the submission of fyp, i feel lifeless again.

what else can i do to make my life more lively?

RAInBOW

Just completed my FYP and intended to go to bed early but look at the time, already past 12am and I've got tuition to be given in the morning. Then, in the noon I need to wait for email from my supervisor upon the approval of printing. Argh... After completing all these baloneys, I felt bored and lifeless now. I could have use the good time to go read some books and computer is still here to accompany me. I couldn't sleep at this moment right now and I still feel awake. Let me jot down few thoughts from my mind first. Maybe I've gone a bit far by interacting with a guy and I kept assuming these and those, well, you know.... Then, at some point, I felt the rush to spill out everything to let the rock out from the bottom of my heart. I don't care what that person is gonna think because I just couldn't take it anymore and I own a short temper. I might sound selfish for being inconsiderate with the person thoughts but I just couldn't care and take it anymore. What if year 2012 disasters is coming true? Nobody wants to live life regretful which at least, I found a chance to do something right. It's a new era of equality so maybe in some part, there's consideration that can be taken only to the current person I've interacted. "Heaven Forbid" is being played over and over again numerously, some sort of emotional part, I haven't read the lyrics yet but the melody is just enough to make me feel the emotions of the song. I recalled 'Heaven forbid you end up alone' which already made me question everything by taking account of needs and wants. 'Out of this one, I don't know how to get you'.... that ends everything with a hope. Argh, I think I am turning into emotional bitch. Alright. Emo bitch needs to sleep. Off to lala land soon. Au Revoir! A bientot!!!!!

the only thing i want to accomplish is what's need to be accomplish

Supposing spending the time to revise and amend mistakes done in my final year project but my mind was left off wandering to some place wrongly.

it's a place where speech of freedom is available in colorful ecstasy:

我很想告诉你，我曾经喜欢过你。现在。。也许，或许还有一点点。但我又犯最大的错误就是自作多情。一直很想一了了之的说给你因为我的心却是放不下。时间总是不给我个机会。。。

i've got a short and hot temper which i will do anything that ease the hardness in me.

Thanks for mind fuck, I spare some time here. Happy New Year all.

I'm seeing everyone's blog wishing Happy New Year, though it may sounds typical but yeah, Happy New Year. I wasn't really keen on this celebration so I'll just wait for the Chinese New Year one.

Anyways, I had New Year Eve's presents and a plentiful, let's just say they belong to vintage ones. Tonnes of vintage.

Then, first day of new year, experiencing severe headache due to excessive mind fucking shocks which prolong till today and for the coming days as well.

Again, I was feeling dead few days ago till caffeine came and resurrected me but trapped in the body of a zombie feeling. Funnily, the body that seems to be restless but the brain is still thirsty for sleep, so i guess the brain is actually working.

All I can say for now is MIND FUCK! Cursing has always been part of me when the anger is boiling. Definitely not pleasant being Mind Fuck severely. Thanks to FYP, I can kiss it goodbye.

New Year's resolutions:

Kick off procrastination

Sleep early

Wardrobe makeover

Live life Love life

Back to life

Back from China and it is fucking awesome country. Let's not mention the human civilization first. Nope, sorry, not gonna upload photos atm.

Back to humid weather, fucking hectic life and worrisome tasks.

I'm still scare coz I can't see what's ahead of me anymore. I just couldn't imagine what I can do with the present that I've to show in the FUTURE. The road at the moment is extremely Blurry, refusing to make choices for the diverge forks of the road.

Back to unwanted life

I still fear but it takes a whole amount of courage to stand up

Hello? Hi? Hey?... tired of any typical announce-my-presence greetings. Sometimes, simple smile and head nodding will do. Ya know what I dislike, people shaking hands without sincere.

Anyways, for the past few days weren't any other ordinary good days for me. Once again, I've to undergo the same fear and the cowardly act. No, honestly, yeah. It's still feels unreal to be in fear again. Numerous of nightmare episodes that repeatedly haunting the mind.

It would be sick and irritating to continuously seeking for the same 'therapist' for some ala therapy talks. I can't help but I need comfort and trust-able 'pillow' for me to confess. Someday, somewhere, sometime when it occurs, I've to be facing it alone but when can I have the courage to face it?

My friend taught me to keep myself in the place I'm most comfortable with... I'm looking for a place like this, minimalist artistic.

Although I look as if alright and sleeping soundly in the midst of night, to be honest, I wasn't sleeping sweetly like everyone does. Best part is I don't shed tears for I'm braver than what I've thought.

Buddha, please bless and grant for a tiny peasant's wishes to be good for all.

Adore this look.

I love the bowtie

At times, I'm a bit lonely due to my shyness

Happy Holidays to MMU-ians.

While everyone go for holidays and hanging out with friends, I shall be the geek staying in completing assignments that needed to be done ASAP! Loneliness stalks in.

Tasks:

• All assignments including final year project.
• Getting my checklists done for a vacation.
• Visit dentist.
• More reading.
• PS 3.
• Exercise.
• Tuitions for replacements.

I can't wait for the mid month to come. Another best part of my life is about to be written. I hope that the best part may change me to be more courageous and tougher. I'm still wandering in the same circle, drawing thoughts.

The agony in me has prevailed my empty mind. I don't understand why I still insist to undergo the process of selecting, perhaps I was spoil with given choices around me. Opportunities are everywhere but why am I refusing to make a choice quick and fast? Most importantly accurate. I was torn between two choices and it created plentiful of chaos for all. Doesn't matter if it's selecting what to eat, what to drink, what to do. *sigh*

When one is taken away, the other will fight for it back. - Regrets.

When i look at the runway, i really want to trespass

Can I trespass the airport runway near my house for photoshooting? Me love the view when there's bright blue sky and not so much of the sun, just enough brightness to capture my world.

I'm beginning to love Lomography. You don't know what are the outcomes that leave you a plentiful of surprises. =)

Days go by- Dirty Vegas

So, I've been thinking a lot actually.

How's this?

What if one day a big massacre by begin their slaughters in the country in this era?

What will you do when the massacre days arrived?

I had these fantasies of living in New York long time ago and one day, I began picturing myself in Coney Island enjoying pastel pink cotton candy, hanging out in Coney Island till the sunsets, holding the LC-A camera snapping pictures I like, get a temporary tattoo from there and also getting ecstatics to hop onto all the rides like every other child in Coney Island.

All these moments were just like John Mayer's Clarity music video except I stayed dry in Coney Island.

Anybody wants to fly me to NYC?

*I've tried Fisheye Black 2 and toy camera is fun. It makes you feel spontaneous and lively again! Fun Fun Fun. Don't think, just shoot!!!!!!!

Thinking of owning one and then go around to be spontaneous.

December is coming and I'm falling in love again with Ingrid Michaelson's December Baby. The time has come. I'm content with what I've but not the time that was formed by the Universe.

*Sigh*

Bagai kacang dilupakan kulit or 狗咬吕洞宾，不识好人心.

The blog really looks dead. *Sigh*. It's been chaotic and lost with the time track, *hopefully* temporarily.

Bagai kacang dilupakan kulit or 狗咬吕洞宾，不识好人心.

Maybe I was being too kind or rather realistically naive.

Putting such hopes, hopes for a return ticket that's never gonna exist.

That's when the time of changes had proven you with your five senses.

People do change but some do change for good and some do change to worst.

Sincerity and truthfulness were almost non- existence at all.

Yet, we are still throwing away our kindness and sympathies to those who we've judged wrongly.

Even, if we stood up for them but cold shoulders is what they were transmitting to you.

One good deed may change their lives forever and they take it for granted.

When help seeks them, they cornered themselves to somewhere couldn't be found.

Even worst, we're feeling like a fool.

Being the kindest does not get one's good impression after all.

What's good for impression is what you've accomplish in glory so far.

That's when you'll be crowded with people that had never smiled at you before.

To begin with the cycle, I ask, what's the most important resources should helping to build up one's foundation?

Some are desperate attention seeker.

Some likes to provoke fire within themselves.

Some loves to play dual mask among themselves.

Some just couldn't stand alone.

Some just love to whine in another way of bragging.

Seriously, I'm fucking tired of all these and rather be gathering myself to become a social awkward before turning to the world.

I made another wish. A wish to really come true.

I made another wish truthfully.

While I called myself selfish attending a party, my brother on the other hand, is lying helplessly in the hospital. The uncontrollable evil power.... I don't feel like describing it into details.

Upon the occurrence, I found myself being a coward, couldn't bare to take a straight look into the eyes. Being the eldest in the family, I feel useless and helpless to ease his sufferings and pains. If you tell me there are others suffered from severe diseases and illnesses, please TAKE BACK your words and say it to others.

In all, I could not do anything but to pray and wish for him.

I tried not to shed tears for I'm staying strong but this description failed in me. I'm weak. I couldn't even find the courage to face the whole disturbing situation.

how to gather back all the pieces of me?

for the past few days, unnecessary and important emotions ran through the veins. uncontrollable and undefinable measures.

i had a rough week to start, an extremely tough and hard day to begin the week.

it ignites the coward in me. my courage has shrunk and the images were torturing my mind. that, that... had all my fears to haunt me.

what happened had already happened. to shed tears do not reverse and erase what you want for time never goes back. yet, shedding tears is an aid of relief.

i can only mumble to myself to stay strong. pray for better days for all and YOU.

i don't want to be shatter.

amitabha. life's biggest bankruptcy is hopeless.

can u feel the night?

i'm feeling stress but i just felt reluctant to continue it. i don't have the passion and mood to do it right now, temporarily but i really feel depress to think about it. i got presentation coming up and i feel pretty useless when facing it. i'm still at the point of divergence even though i made my decision to choose a road but my feet refuse to make a step forward. like confucius said a journey of thousand miles begin with a single step yet i'm still stopping whatever progress i am having. its demotivating.

fuck the heat waves

imma talk no more coz i am undergoing a wave that is completely torturing my mind and my body. fuck the heat waves that's circulating around the house from morning till night. damn!

three flavours. two types. one mouth.

alright, i made a combo of three flavours, two kinds and one mouth.

yes. banana, coconut and lemon. cake and tarts. to eat. apparently i spoiled the weighing machine which i ended up to use mathematical converters and calculators to ounce instead of grams. yet, the taste and texture still remains the same. i is winrar.

few days ago, i finished sewing my zippers pencil case and i still have not use it. next project, it's a coin pouch with zippers also. there are two sides, the cool colors and the summer colors.

evening caught me a surprise. the flowers had finally bloomed and it's perfectly pink. not like other eeckie pinks which made me puke for sure.

just few of my likenesses from ma eyes

no intention to post for i am lazy to transfer my mini project pictures into the pc. thus, i shall post it next time.

i am here today to post something recurring my likenesses and memories.

first, the emptiness of the space that perks up the bland color of the walls. the red chair that is the main character of the picture.

second, the girl with pearl white skin and with stereotyping, we called it pale. nevertheless, her pearl-ness skin tone is balance and sweet with the striking flowers that stay behind her ears.

third, this picture with two kittens are so cute and the title is library. yeah, it reminded me of students of couples that hanging in the library as an excuse for dating or courtship. hahaha.

finally, i wanted to own good camera since high school and now it feels like getting commercial. even form 1 students can afford it. gooddamn. so i divert it to drums first. photography comes later though i still love stealing pictures over deviant art.

i present you this drum cover for my favourite song. the video title says it.

P/s: i wanna get a baby blue nail polish.

Bossa Nova

I discover a new genre that can be dwell finely along with my soul... ah... what am I talking??? my soul?? never mind, forget that.

New genre called Bossa Nova. it's a type of jazzy moment from Brazil. Majority are from Brazil and it gives me the fun and sexy at the same time. Some sort of chilling beach party.

Here's the sample of Bossa Nova by Bebel Gilberto. Live version. Okayhthanksbye.

Blissful dwell within..............

每当我打开面子书，幸福文章排排着等着大家看。

幸福，

在我脑海中有很多意思。但，我却看到的是情侣的幸福选择，如何做个好情侣和类似的文章。一看绝对是很有趣但越看越觉得那只是个大众的思想而当你们看了，点头了，认定了表示你们没主见。慢慢的融入这个大众化的思想。

虽然单身的我没有拥有个真正的历史，不过我很清楚什么是幸福。不必那么华丽，幻想，隆重都可以自足常乐。

当我喝我特制泡的饮料，坐着看蓝蓝的天空，不时有一群鸟儿飞，我都觉得很幸福。

当我吃我煮的早餐，坐着看电视，我都觉得幸福。

当我在听我下载的歌曲，不时就会傻傻的跳舞，我都觉得很幸福。

当我在看书，坐着，站着看，我都觉得很幸福。

当我在烘焙甜点，不时会很烦躁，我都觉得很幸福。

我的重点是无论你在做什么，突然来个自我放松感觉。。。其实它是叫我们所谓的幸福。

为什么一定要两个人才能发觉到幸福呢？

虽然我也渴望两个人的幸福是怎样。。。但，当一个人爱昏头，久而久之，他/她却忘了自己。

我只要高高兴兴，快快乐乐的享受人生。我。。。有这个能做得到吗？

Eat. Pray. Shit. Spend. Love.

Before I tuck in, I want to share something and it's called Eat Pray Love. Fuck noh, I'm not gonna write like her. FYI, I just dislike watching sentimental movies in cinema and I only go to cinema for surround sound system which concludes ACTION MOVIES. In the end, I only enjoyed the music scores and songs that was in the movie. FYI2, this movie, I wasn't looking forward to it.

Okayh, I watched the movie yesterday and honestly, this 2 hours plus movie is pacing fast. I still opt for the book instead of movie. It leaves me no memories from the scenes except the typical scenery view which I predicted.

This movie took away my initial motivation in search of balance but after I watched the movie, my search for balancing came first before the movie was released. I do sound like a spoiled brat, don't I? You must've been shock that I'm still searching for balance which totally explains why sometimes I secluded/isolated myself. Yet, don't you think I'm too young to look for balance?

Liz is fortunate you know and she's whining which she didn't realized that there are other unfortunate people out there. She already owned and pawned all the things to make her dream come true and she whined???

It still leaves me to sadness when I don't see myself achieving anything. But my theory is Eat. Pray. Spend. Shit. Love.

The author is consider pretty. I can't believe James Franco is inside the movie. He's hot alright but in the end, Julia Roberts goes with Javier Bardem. Luca Argentero who plays Liz's Italian translator is completely chilling my eyes, his smile had charmed me. Ahahaa. Real Italian okay!