Picky? It's either you don't know me or maybe you are lucky enough.

It's about time for me to settle in to bed and read a book. Before that happens, I just want to pen down what I realized.

I looked at the blue sky on one sunny hot afternoon, the thoughts just came by in my mind.
My friends had been saying that I am too picky (yes, you got the word right, PICKY!) when it comes to guys. Yes, I'm picky because I used to like any Tom, Dick and Harry that treated me well which in the end I was being labeled as a fool. As I grow, I wouldn't want to fall for such traps anymore because back then times, feelings and spirits were wasted down to the drain. Now, it's either I'm fear or scare with falling in love. Thanks to some assholes ya!

Often I do feel lonely because I have so many things to share with the occurrence in my life. My good friends are busy with their own lives and some of them, their lives have been overtaken by their boyfriends. I, sometimes, being ungrateful, kept blaming and whining inside that why their boyfriends take away my friends from me. I'm actually be the one at fault. I really love sharing but I choose particularly who to share. I may look tough and very independent but that's just a costume I wear everyday.

While at times I envied others who are having loving time with their other half but I also enjoy to still have my freedom. Moving around anytime, anywhere and anyone that I enjoy with. I don't want to take orders from others at the moment because now it is the time for me to experience joy, pain, happy and sorrow in the society. The world is not as easy and innocent as I used to see, relationships aren't easy to maintain because we are all humans. We have our needs and wants to fulfill our own desires.

That's not the point.

The other point of me being picky because I'm still second guessing whether I should remove this particular fellow from my heart because everything seems to be not possible anymore due to distance, time and other reasons. The Chinese has a saying, ride on a cow to search for a horse, meaning while you have one right now, find others as well, in short, find a backup. Yea, I do meet good guys out there but I kept having second guess again. Many many times and I kept blowing their chances, rather, our chances.

Fuck it, relationships require a whole lot of commitment, dedication and full heart. I used to have it then it got tarnished and it needs some time to recover. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Imma celebrate life and enjoy life.

P/S: if you have a suitable candidate for me, please PM me! Thanks a lot! ;p

Before I sleep tonight, I need to jot down few things

I'm starting to cook again or maybe boiling soup.

Partially, because I'm bored and I need something nutritious and soup is the easiest to make.

Suddenly, I have so many random activities in my mind.

Should I go for Yoga classes or breakdance classes?

Should I explore the west or east side of Singapore?

Should I learn drums or new language?

Too much dreams to achieve in a short time.

I have a research due in like one month. Damn!

RIP. You'll always be remembered.

Life and death often came very shock to everyone and how I was obsessed with the idea of death back then. It is how we can not avoid death regardless of your age but you can cheat death? Or should I describe it as fate. So what if you are wealthy but you still have to end up on your death bed.

In a week, I received two shockingly death news.

1. My aunt (that I'm not really close with, my dad's sister in law), had met into a motorcycle accident and passed away because of serious injury. The accident happen when I was in KL like three- four weeks ago. No one told me until I went back last week, my mum broke the news secretly in the car.

2. My landlady's husband. Apparently, he died peacefully in the house's kitchen and he is really old. He had to endure pain and sickness which he had accepted the fact. He was a very sweet looking old man. He doesn't seems to have temper at all and he remembered my name for an old person. I came home from work yesterday and my landlady broke the news to me. By the time she told me, she had already cooled down and accepted the fact.

Although I don't know my aunt well but from my understanding, her family seems to have financial issues and as I grew, I came to learn that I have more cousins. Her eldest son had passed away due to a motor accident as well. Now, she has joined her son in other world. Hopefully her children can go through this and be tough. I wish to see them successful in life so they won't have to suffer from all of the agonies and worries.

The first news came to me very disturbingly and the fact that my dad's side now has three deaths due to motor accident. I have to pretend that I don't really care about my aunt's death but the fact that I really do mind. Although we don't know each other well but it's a life that we are talking about and her children that are so young that needs her.

Buddha bless them so they won't have to suffer in their next life. May their loved ones can go through this and let them be strong.

RIP.

Sleepyhead

I'm eating ice cream (napoleon flavor) and surfing something else but not my research!

I got two more months due for the research and I'm about going to sleep~

Sigh~ when can I have fun in a big group? Crazy fun and doing endless stupid stuff because using too much brains will make me feel so zombie.

Who wants to go to G-Dragon concert with me? I want to go a concert at least. I dont mind starting with GD.

Watching ANTM and streaming channel has removed all the ENGLISH shows. Perfectly genius.

This month I foresee is a long month and upcoming wasted month if I don't manage to absorb knowledge that I should be absorbing.

So exhausting... this is only the first week. There might be more that's coming and I just want this damn month to pass!

My time here is limited and I only want to treasure and cherish the time I have here. There are some thoughts that rose in my head and it always made the tears flooded my eyes. These thoughts are so long and windy, as for now I am indecisive but I must firm my stand that it will come some day. And when the day comes, I wouldn't want everything to be last minute, not able to store good memories and rushing everything off.

Good times won't last long. I know that damn day will come and it is time for me to give way to the younger ones. They have better capabilities and abilities than me. They should soar while I should provide support.

Damn, I just want this damn month to pass meaningfully.

Dani is back and she swore.....

It's been half a year I have since last visited this blog until recently I switched my job portfolio and then I came across My Colorful Ecstasy again.

I wouldn't say I will come back here to update on my daily life again... (like duh) but rather my thoughts.

Reason being time goes forward and the moment we became employed, things change, characters change, and basically, everything change. But memories never change. 

If possible, asides using social networks or gadgets to keep memories, blogging to express my thoughts would be helpful to slash some fucked up emotions in me. At least, I feel better. You see, I will not be ashamed to tell anyone that I'm single and always single, if they ask. That's not the point, the point is sometimes, even little tiny itsy bitsy stuffs I just want to express here because why the fuck people wants to listen to my whine and complaints. Makes sense?

Dear Blog, I swear I will take some time off to record and jot down what shit emotions that I'm going through with you. Just you, My Colorful Ecstasy. Because you understand me more than anyone else. (except my family)

Fucked up job. I'm always excited to see what's in for me but with a fucked up boss, everything just seems fucked up. 

That's my leg and I love this shot.

P/S: I just bought my air tix to KL. When I go there, I want to eat the dried curry kuay teow, window shopping in KL, makan and makan, cari kawan and play with kiddos.